WEDNESDAY, August 1, 2012

RICKSHAW 54 WHERE ARE YOU? -- Embarrassed officials in Beijing recently admitted that eighteen Chinese cops were dispatched to save a drowning swimmer in the Yangtze who turned out to be an inflatable plastic sex toy.  The Taiwanese manufacturer filed a lawsuit alleging "undue adverse publicity causing loss of sales."  The case was thrown out for lack of evidence.  Three of the cops are engaged to Exhibit A.


GEIGER COUNTER DECK -- According to a water quality study conducted by the National Oceanic Laboratory,  fallout from the Japanese nuclear disaster in the form of radioactive sea water threatens to reach the United States within the next few
months.  Never one to overlook a commercial tie-in, Holland America Lines is already planning an L.A. to Vancouver "You Light Up My Life... Literally" Cruise.


NO STINKING BADGES -- The newly-elected Mexican President Felipe de Jesus Calderon Hinojosa has vowed to work hand-in-hand with Americans to quell increasing violence along our mutual border.  For it's part, the U.S. has agreed to limit gun sales to Mexico by the Justice Department and to destroy all remaining prints of "The Three Amigos."


RUNNING OF THE BULLS -- An enterprising wedding dress manufacturer in Belgrade, Yugoslavia staged a race in which over a hundred women vied to win a free wedding with all the trappings.  Just the sight of a pack of single female Yugoslavs running toward them so terrified Belgrade's bachelors, 300 of them immediately enlisted in the Syrian Army.


THE DUNDEE FACTOR -- Over vehement objections by wildlife activists, the Australian Legislature in Sydney has approved a bill that will allow tourists to purchase for immediate export live crocodiles.  Is there a size limit, you might ask.  Yes.  Your snapping amphibian must fit comfortably in the
overhead luggage bin in Tourist Class on QUANTAS.

CAST IN MARBLE -- The producer of our 1979 China special Jim Lipton wrote a parody of Gilbert & Sullivan's "Queen's Navy" to sing with these recruits from the Peking Opera who memorized the words phonetically.  We shot the number aboard the Marble Boat near the Emperor's Summer Palace.  As the story goes, the Empress Dowager had the paddle wheeler built to appease the Chinese Navy for whom she was supposed to purchase real ships.  Hope had joked about the boat in his monologue:  "They said it wouldn't float...  and then Billy Graham showed up."  The number was shot from a nearby boat as Hope and the dancers made their way around her decks.  

Copyright (c) 2012 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved

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