THURSDAY, August 16, 2012

VINTAGE STORAGE -- The Century-21 hot air balloon is hovering over Alex Rodriguez's 20,000 square foot Miami Beach mansion which is on the market for $38 million.  Among its many unique features is a custom-made, climate-controlled combination wine and Hollywood starlet cellar.


SIDEWALK SERENADE -- According to a report issued by the U.S. Consumer Products Safety Commission, ERs nationwide have been flooded by pedestrians who suffered injuries while walking and texting.  The admitting physicians found that the most serious cases involved people who had unknowingly walked under a step-ladder first. 


AIR WICK -- Atlanta-based Cinnabon, Inc. has announced that they will soon introduce the "Pizzabon," a combination of rolled cheese, marinara sauce, and pepperoni folded into "a pillow" of their world-famous Cinnabon bread.  Cardiac surgeons are ecstatic.  "Cinnamon-coated arteries make the operating room smell great," said one.     


PAYS TO ADVERTISE -- Rejecting tobacco company arguments that graphic images of cancer victims required on every cigarette pack would destroy their trademarks, the Aussie High Court approved the toughest anti-smoking law in the world.  So tough, the humps on Joe Camel must be changed to oxygen tanks and the Marlboro Man now has to carry his diseased larynx in a jar.


FACT:  The city of Dartford, England, birthplace of Rolling Stones lead singer Mick Jagger, will soon begin naming streets and roads in honor of the group's hits including "Dandelion Row,"" Little Red Walk," "Rainbow Close," "Cloud Close," "Sympathy Street" and "Stones Avenue."

 The decision of the city fathers recalls the naming of streets in the British city of Buffington after World War II big band hits. Initially popular practice was abandoned after the town's volunteer fire brigade took so long writing down the address, the flaming structure at 11568 "Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree With Anyone Else But Me Lane" burned to the ground.

 The earliest known evidence of such a practice occurred in Rome when Carpethian monks named streets in the Vatican after Top Forty Gregorian Chants. In fact, the pope's residence is still located at the corner of "Te Deum Boulevard" and "Adeste Fidelis Drive."

Copyright (c) 2012 by Robert L. Mills   All Rights Reserved

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Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.