;

Irish Eyes Are Smiling

[] The US Ryder Cup team is trounced for the third consecutive time by the Europeans. Tiger Woods' Ryder record now stands at 10-13-2. (Associated Press 9/24)

Woods won't play well in it until it's renamed the "Ryder Truck Rental Open" and offers a two million dollar purse.

________________________________________________


[] While the US was losing the Ryder Cup, American tennis players were being eliminated from the Davis Cup by Russia. (USA Today 9/25)

On a more positive note, US athletes still lead the world in spousal abuse.

________________________________________________


[] Tampa Bay Bucaneers Chris Simms had to have his spleen removed after being injured in the team's loss to the Carolina Panthers on Sunday. (USA Today 9/25)

Maybe the NFL is getting too rough. Now the "sack" comes with bodily organs in it.

________________________________________________


[] Pope Benedict XVI invites envoys from Muslim nations to meet with him----Turkey and Iran quickly accept. (Associated Press 9/23)

This time, he'll try to convince them that he was really talking about Muhammad Ali.

________________________________________________


[] The National Association of Evangelicals has launched "Muslim Prayer Forums" in which Christians will ask God to help Muslims accept Jesus. (Associated Press 9/23)

Allah isn't used to granting favors to Christians, but, hey----this just might work.

________________________________________________


[] Jerry Falwell says he hopes Democrats nominate Hillary Clinton because she'd mobilize his backers "even more than Satan would." (Los Angeles Times 9/24)

Does Jere really believe she could recreate that distinctive Bush/Beelzebub "sulphur odor"?

________________________________________________


[] Bush blinks----accepts McCain's "Spirit of the Geneva Convention" terrorist interrogation guidelines. (New York Times 9/21)

Among the new do's and don'ts:

Acceptable: Attaching moistened genitals to a fully-charged Sears Die-Hard

Unacceptable: Forcing prisoners to watch Bush try to pronounce"nuclear"

Acceptable: Waterboarding to extract location of top-ranking Al Qaida members

Unacceptable: Waterboarding to extract location of Bush twins

________________________________________________


[] Army now explains living wills to troops because so many of them return from Iraq in a coma. (USA Today 9/25)

Like the one their commander-in-chief must have been in when he planned this thing.

________________________________________________


[] Rumsfeld is about to become the longest-serving Defense Secretary in US history. (USA Today 9/25)

World history if you don't count Martin Goebbels.

________________________________________________


[] A website manned by volunteer Catholic priests answers questions from the faithful via e-mail. (Los Angeles Times 9/24)

A special feature designed after "Ask Jeeves" invites inquisitive teens to "Ask Father Digits."

________________________________________________


[] Archeologists in Ethiopia have discovered the fossilized remains of a child believed to be three million years old. (Los Angeles Times 9/24)

Artifacts dug up nearby included trinkets, beads and a Flintstones lunch box.

________________________________________________


[] A French newspaper printed a report that Osama bin Laden died of typhoid fever in September. (Los Angeles Times 9/24)

While waiting for his Afghanistan war veteran's medical benefits.

________________________________________________


[] Lawyers for Oprah Winfrey have threatened to sue a Kansas City man who is promoting Oprah for president on the internet. (Kansas City Star 9/23)

Patrick Crowe says he'll redirect his efforts toward electing Oprah's running mate----Ellen DeGeneres.

________________________________________________


[] Paring his show's budget, "Saturday Night Live" producer Lorne Michaels has let five cast members go. (USA Today 9/22)

With typical SNL bravado, several were spotted outside NBC smoking something rolled up in their pink slips.

________________________________________________


[] Playskool has recalled 255,000 toy tool sets. (USA Today 9/22)

Seems that some of the more mechanically sophisticated tots were able to improvise explosive devices by watchng Iraq war news footage.

________________________________________________


[] Wal Mart and Target have squared off in a prescription drug war, offering some generics as low as $4. (ABC News 9/22)

The war began at dawn on Friday when two pharmacists faced each other with matching pestles.

________________________________________________


[] N.A.S.A. officials blamed weightlessness in space after Atlantis astronaut Heidemarie Stefanyshyn-Piper fainted twice at a welcome home ceremony in Houston. (Associated Press 9/23)

Likely story. They probably showed her the bill.

________________________________________________


[] Ban on taking liquids aboard airliners is lifted. (Associated Press 9/25)

With the possible exception of nitroglycerine.

________________________________________________


[] A Columbus, Ohio auto dealer offers "Fatwa Fridays" where kids are given free swords. (USA Today 9/25)

Moms get a free burka with the logo of their son's soccer team printed on it.

________________________________________________

No comments:

Click here to add theme music to your reading experience...

THE LAUGH MAKERS: A Leonard Maltin "Top 20" Year End Pick!

DOLORES HOPE MEDLEY

DOLORES HOPE "Silver Bells" (with Bob)

BOB HOPE'S 1983 U.S. COLLEGE CAMPUS TOUR: Your Alma Mater Here?


"Having spent twenty years writing for the indefatigable Bob Hope, and traveling all over the world, Bob Mills is well qualified to salute the famous corps of gag men who kept the comedian knee-deep in jokes. These first-hand recollections summon up the final phase of Hope’s career—and the end of the trail for an entire brand of show business."

http://www.leonardmaltin.com/2009YearEndBookSurvey.htm

Even Animals Love "THE YouTube WORLDWIDE NEWS"!


THE LAUGH MAKERS is now on KINDLE! (And Kindle equipped devices)

Download THE LAUGH MAKERS to your Kindle within one minute (for $2.99) by clicking on this link:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0041D9EPO

And if you're not yet a Kindle owner, when you purchase your new lower-priced Kindle with a capacity of 3500 books, be sure to sign up for our daily blog so you won't miss one issue of the web's most entertaining and insightful comments on the day's events... or a single serialized installment of THE LAUGH MAKERS. Order your Kindle today!


WakiLeaks: History Declassified 2000 (Vol. One) is now available on Kindle for $2.99

Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004IZLXIQ