;

FRI, SAT, SUN, October 1, 2, 3, 2010

An Insurance Institute study showed that motor vehicle accidents increased after California, Louisiana and Minnesota passed laws that banned texting while driving.  It’s believed that drivers were distracted while releasing the homing pigeons they were using instead.

A Newport Beach junior high school music teacher was found guilty of indecent exposure while in the waiting room of his dentist’s office.  An additional charge of exposing his students to Andrew Lloyd Webber was dropped.

Latest victim of the internet, the once-mighty Blockbuster Video has declared bankruptcy.  Assets are being auctioned off and HBO has already purchased all the adult cassettes to help them program their eight new porn channels.

Court records indicate that in 2007, Paris Hilton was granted federal trademark protection of her signature phrase “That’s hot.”  She also applied for a trademark on “Not guilty, your honor,” but Lindsay Lohan had beat her to it.

Long considered counter-intuitive, a recent study has shown that married couples masturbate as often or even more frequently than singles do.  The only difference is the married guys frequently find their fantasy partner has a headache.
________________________________

To download THE LAUGH MAKERS to your Kindle, I-Pad, computer or other reading device for only $9.95 complete and unabridged,  click on this link:

www.amazon.com/dp/B0041D9EPO

To read reviews and order the book from Amazon, click on this link:
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To order the book directly from the publisher, click on this link:

www.bearmanormedia.bizland.com/id370.html

To view photos from the book (plus many that couldn't be included) enlarged and in color, click on this link:

www.bobhopeshowbackstage.weebly.com

To download a FREE AUDIO BOOK, unabridged and read by the author -- musical bridges by Barry Dugan, click on this link:

http://bearmanoraudio.com/audio/BOB-MILLS-AUDIO-BOOK/
________________________________



FRI, SAT, SUN, October 1, 2, 3, 2010

An Insurance Institute study showed that motor vehicle accidents increased after California, Louisiana and Minnesota passed laws that banned texting while driving.  It’s believed that drivers were distracted while releasing the homing pigeons they were using instead.

A Newport Beach junior high school music teacher was found guilty of indecent exposure while in the waiting room of his dentist’s office.  An additional charge of exposing his students to Andrew Lloyd was dropped.

Latest victim of the internet, the once-mighty Blockbuster Video has declared bankruptcy.  Assets are being auctioned off and HBO has already purchased all the adult cassettes to help them program their eight new porn channels.

Court records indicate that in 2007, Paris Hilton was granted federal trademark protection of her signature phrase “That’s hot.”  She also applied for a trademark on “Not guilty, your honor,” but Lindsay Lohan had beat her to it.

Long considered counter-intuitive, a recent study has shown that married couples masturbate as often or even more frequently than singles do.  The only difference is the married guys frequently find their fantasy partner has a headache.
________________________________

To download THE LAUGH MAKERS to your Kindle, I-Pad, computer or other reading device for only $9.95 complete and unabridged,  click on this link:

www.amazon.com/dp/B0041D9EPO

To read reviews and order the book from Amazon, click on this link:
http://www.amazon.com/LAUGH-MAKERS-Behind-Scenes-Incredible/product-reviews/1593933231/ref=cm_cr_pr_link_2?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=0&pageNumber=2

To order the book directly from the publisher, click on this link:

www.bearmanormedia.bizland.com/id370.html

To view photos from the book (plus many that couldn't be included) enlarged and in color, click on this link:

www.bobhopeshowbackstage.weebly.com

To download a FREE AUDIO BOOK, unabridged and read by the author -- musical bridges by Barry Dugan, click on this link:

http://bearmanoraudio.com/audio/BOB-MILLS-AUDIO-BOOK/
________________________________

THURSDAY, September 30, 2010

X-rays taken after Sunday’s game revealed that Reggie Bush had fractured a bone in his right leg.  In view of his recent Heisman Trophy scandal, the dean of the U.S.C. School of Veterinary Medicine recommended that he be put down. 

The DEA placed reception centers at over 4000 locations and encouraged patients to return their outdated medications.  And none too soon.  A recent study showed that Viagra tablets taken past their expiration date won’t even help a patient raise his hand at a PTA meeting.

Yankee ace Derek Jeter bought a mansion in Florida and has his  penthouse condo on the market for $20 million.  Amenities  include a 30-foot lap pool, a sub-zero freezer and a doorbell that plays “New York, New York” while Kate Hudson answers the door.

A leading adult film producer has offered Octomom Nadia Suleman $500,000 to star in a one-hour porn video.  The script is still being written but the title has been chosen:   “Why All My Kids Have Different Fathers.”

British Army soldier Lance Corporal Katrina Hodge, 23, who won the Miss England crown in the Miss World contest, is returning to her military duties in Iraq.  She’s a member of the elite 7th Royal Hot Babe Battalion, 114th Smile & Wave Brigade.
________________________________

To download THE LAUGH MAKERS to your Kindle, I-Pad, computer or other reading device for only $9.95 complete and unabridged,  click on this link:

www.amazon.com/dp/B0041D9EPO

To read reviews and order the book from Amazon, click on this link:

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To order the book directly from the publisher, click on this link:

www.bearmanormedia.bizland.com/id370.html

To view photos from the book (plus many that couldn't be included) enlarged and in color, click on this link:

www.bobhopeshowbackstage.weebly.com

To download a FREE AUDIO BOOK, unabridged and read by the author -- musical bridges by Barry Dugan, click on this link:

http://bearmanoraudio.com/audio/BOB-MILLS-AUDIO-BOOK/
________________________________

WEDNESDAY, September 29, 2010

According to a study commissioned by the AMA, medical malpractice costs in the U.S. have topped $55 billion annually.  Most common mistakes are surgical instruments left inside the body, the amputation of the wrong limb and more plastic surgery on Joan Rivers.

The producers of “Sesame Street” withdrew a music video featuring Elmo and Katy Perry after parents complained that her dress was too revealing.  Reminiscent of the uproar that occurred when Lady Gaga guested and wanted to wear a dress made out of Kermit.

After living in Pennsylvania for over 200 years, the Amish are migrating westward, many re-settling in South Dakota.  Formerly known as a peace-loving people, police say they’ve been responsible for several clippidy-clop-by shootings. 

The Aussie version of “Next Top Model” crowned the wrong contestant on live TV.  Kelsey Martinovich was making her acceptance speech when the emcee apologized and named Amanda Ware the winner.  They’re pretty hard to mix up -- one weighs 97 and the other 101.  

Paramedics in Sussex, England found their victim with no heartbeat, pulse or blood pressure so left him for the coroner who later discovered the man was still alive.  Such incidents are rare and are referred to in the medical profession as “the Keith Richards Syndrome.”
________________________________

To download THE LAUGH MAKERS to your Kindle, I-Pad, computer or other reading device for only $9.95 complete and unabridged,  click on this link:

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To read reviews and order the book from Amazon, click on this link:

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To order the book directly from the publisher, click on this link:

www.bearmanormedia.bizland.com/id370.html

To view photos from the book (plus many that couldn't be included) enlarged and in color, click on this link:

www.bobhopeshowbackstage.weebly.com

To download a FREE AUDIO BOOK, unabridged and read by the author -- musical bridges by Barry Dugan, click on this link: 

http://bearmanoraudio.com/audio/BOB-MILLS-AUDIO-BOOK/
________________________________

TUESDAY, September 28, 2010

Corey Pavin and Colin Montgomerie, captains of the US and British Ryder’s Cup teams, have banned their members from Tweeting during the tournament.  Even worse for Tiger who must wear a specially-designed “celibacy belt” that only Corey has the key to.

A condom vending machine was installed in the San Francisco County Jail less than a month ago and already there’s been a problem.  An inmate fed all of his canteen money into the machine and later tried to slingshot himself over the wall.  

Workers for Southern Cal Edison excavating in an area near Los Angeles unearthed fossils that date back 1.4 million years.  The age, sex and cause of death of the human samples will be determined on the new CBS fall series “CSI: Jurassic Park.”

Wal-Mart has announced that it will soon introduce “mini-stores” to be located in rural regions of the country without shopping malls.  Everything will be scaled down.  Greeters have already been hired from surviving “Wizard of Oz” Munchkins.

A Justice Department investigation has revealed that up to 200 FBI agents may have cheated on a recent proficiency exam.  Supervisors became suspicious when they all knew the exact number of J. Edgar Hoover’s personal account at Frederick’s of Hollywood.
________________________________

To download THE LAUGH MAKERS to your Kindle, I-Pad, computer or other reading device for only $9.95 complete and unabridged,  click on this link:

www.amazon.com/dp/B0041D9EPO

To read reviews and order the book from Amazon, click on this link:

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To order the book directly from the publisher, click on this link:

www.bearmanormedia.bizland.com/id370.html

To view photos from the book (plus many that couldn't be included) enlarged and in color, click on this link:

www.bobhopeshowbackstage.weebly.com

To download a FREE AUDIO BOOK, unabridged and read by the author -- musical bridges by Barry Dugan, click on this link: 

http://bearmanoraudio.com/audio/BOB-MILLS-AUDIO-BOOK/
________________________________

MONDAY, September 27, 2010

A 23-year old British woman with 38 tattoos and 26 body piercings was insulted when a government employment clerk told her to “stand behind a wall or wear a bag over your head for interviews.”  Worked out, though.  She’ been hired by Jesse James as a reference library. 

Officials in South Dakota are at a loss to explain the sudden influx of Pennsylvania Amish families who have relocated there.  Actually, it’s perfectly explainable.  Christine O’Donnell put a curse on them and  suddenly they were in the middle of Bismarck.  But there are indications they may have lost their religious fervor.  They arrived in horse-drawn Winnebagos.

A high school student in North Carolina, expelled for wearing a nose ring, is appealing on the grounds that it’s required by her religion.  But so far, school board members are just not convinced that Paul Bunyon’s bull is a legitimate god.

According to official police booking records, thirty members of the University of Florida’s football team have been arrested since 2005.  Which has set a school record.  More Gator gridiron greats have appeared on the wall of the post office than in the yearbook.

A research firm has developed a super-fast-growing genetic mutation of the salmon that critics call a “Frankenfish.“  May be awhile before they hit the market, though.  They have to swim all the way to Transylvania to spawn. 
________________________________

To download THE LAUGH MAKERS to your Kindle, I-Pad, computer or other reading device for only $9.95 complete and unabridged,  click on this link:

www.amazon.com/dp/B0041D9EPO

To read reviews and order the book from Amazon, click on this link:

http://www.amazon.com/LAUGH-MAKERS-Behind-Scenes-Incredible/product-reviews/1593933231/ref=cm_cr_pr_link_2?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=0&pageNumber=2

To order the book directly from the publisher, click on this link:

www.bearmanormedia.bizland.com/id370.html

To view photos from the book (plus many that couldn't be included) enlarged and in color, click on this link:

www.bobhopeshowbackstage.weebly.com

To download a FREE AUDIO BOOK, unabridged and read by the author -- musical bridges by Barry Dugan, click on this link: 

http://bearmanoraudio.com/audio/BOB-MILLS-AUDIO-BOOK/
________________________________

FRI, SAT, SUN, September 24, 25, 26, 2010

Again fueling the anti-capital punishment debate, the Supreme Court refused to halt the execution of a woman with an IQ of 71, which is classified by the medical profession “borderline mentally retarded.”  Just her luck, the court uses Clarence Thomas as a guide and he’s a 70.

A 114-year-old man in Montana has applied to the Guinness Book of World Records for certification as the oldest person on the planet.  He told reporters he still vividly remembers his boyhood job mowing the lawn for Andy Rooney.

In the wake of multiple sexual harassment lawsuits against its players, the NFL banned all nude posters, calendars, photos and videos from all team locker rooms.  That’s the bad news.  The good news is the NBA has bid $1.2 million for them.

Oliver Stone’s “Wall Street - Money Never Sleeps” starring Michael Douglas in his original role as Gordon Gecko isn’t doing the box office the studio expected.  But 20th Century Fox isn’t worried.  If the profits don’t pick up, Obama has promised to bail them out.

Two tourists passing through customs at the airport in Athens were questioned about six human skulls found hidden in their luggage.  The bags would have slipped by if the x-ray machine hadn’t identified them as matching several well-known supermodels.

________________________________

To download THE LAUGH MAKERS to your Kindle, I-Pad, computer or other reading device for only $9.95 complete and unabridged,  click on this link:

www.amazon.com/dp/B0041D9EPO

To read reviews and order the book from Amazon, click on this link:

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To order the book directly from the publisher, click on this link:

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To view photos from the book (plus many that couldn't be included) enlarged and in color, click on this link:

www.bobhopeshowbackstage.weebly.com

To download a FREE AUDIO BOOK, unabridged and read by the author -- musical bridges by Barry Dugan, click on this link: 

http://bearmanoraudio.com/audio/BOB-MILLS-AUDIO-BOOK/
________________________________

THURSDAY, September 23, 2010

A pod of Great White sharks was recently spotted in the Malibu surf where local resident Mel Gibson is known to swim.  No danger there, though.  Sharks tend to avoid him as a matter of professional courtesy.

CBS has created a new sitcom about life among the grossly obese called “Mike and Molly.”  In an upcoming episode, guest Kirstie Alley will teach them how to lose 185 pounds, which she did once -- twice if you count divorcing Parker Stevenson.

Pete Rose’s ban from the Hall of Fame didn’t detract from a ceremony in Cincinnati marking Mr. Hustle’s topping Ty Cobb’s total hits.  Pete took time off from his job as a greeter at Caesar’s Palace where he’s affectionately known among the regulars as “Mr. Shuffle.”

The International House of Pancakes filed suit to prevent a church calling itself The International House of Prayer.  Maybe the church’s reproduction of The Last Supper showing Jesus and the apostles dining on IHOP’s “Early Bird Senior Delight” didn’t help.

Paris Hilton recently rescued twenty rabbits being collected to feed a pet shop’s boa constrictor.  That’s the good news.  The bad news is by the time she got them home, there were twenty-six, so she fed the extras to her chihuahua.
________________________________

To download THE LAUGH MAKERS to your Kindle, I-Pad, computer or other reading device for only $9.95 complete and unabridged,  click on this link:

www.amazon.com/dp/B0041D9EPO

To read reviews and order the book from Amazon, click on this link:

http://www.amazon.com/LAUGH-MAKERS-Behind-Scenes-Incredible/product-reviews/1593933231/ref=cm_cr_pr_link_2?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=0&pageNumber=2

To order the book directly from the publisher, click on this link:

www.bearmanormedia.bizland.com/id370.html

To view photos from the book (plus many that couldn't be included) enlarged and in color, click on this link:

www.bobhopeshowbackstage.weebly.com

To download a FREE AUDIO BOOK, unabridged and read by the author -- musical bridges by Barry Dugan, click on this link: 

http://bearmanoraudio.com/audio/BOB-MILLS-AUDIO-BOOK/
________________________________

WEDNESDAY, September 22, 2010

A genetic research firm is seeking FDA approval of a genetically modified salmon that critics of the fast-growing fish have nicknamed “Frankenfish.”  Seafood lovers who have tried it say it’s almost like real salmon once you get used to the bolts sticking out of its gills.

The FAA will soon issue new rules allowing pilots to refuse to fly if they begin showing signs of fatigue like referring to the cockpit gauges as “those little pointy things,” requesting a meal being served in Coach, or overshooting an airport by more than 150 miles.

After weeks of vigorous debate over the issue of religious freedom, the French Senate has passed a bill that makes the wearing of a burka in public a criminal offense.  There are several exemptions, though -- beekeepers and ice hockey goalies.

Mexican TV reporter Ines Sainz sued the New York Jets for sexual harassment, after she snuck into the players’ locker room.  She seems obsessed with groups of young, virile men. Last week, she managed to sneak into that Brazilian mine.

USC grid hero Reggie Bush was forced to return his Heisman Trophy after the NCAA ruled that he had accepted illegal recruitment gifts.   Now he may face even more charges.  Officials taking a closer look at the trophy discovered it’s OJ’s.
________________________________

To download THE LAUGH MAKERS to your Kindle, I-Pad, computer or other reading device for only $9.95 complete and unabridged,  click on this link:

www.amazon.com/dp/B0041D9EPO

To read reviews and order the book from Amazon, click on this link:

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To order the book directly from the publisher, click on this link:

www.bearmanormedia.bizland.com/id370.html

To view photos from the book (plus many that couldn't be included) enlarged and in color, click on this link:

www.bobhopeshowbackstage.weebly.com

To download a FREE AUDIO BOOK, unabridged and read by the author -- musical bridges by Barry Dugan, click on this link: 

http://bearmanoraudio.com/audio/BOB-MILLS-AUDIO-BOOK/
________________________________

TUESDAY, September 21, 2010

Aging grid icon Brett Favre looked all of his four decades as he tossed three interceptions in the Vikings 10-14 loss to Miami.  His reflexes have become so slow, even when celebrating with teammates he can only muster a medium five.

Countering massive budget cuts, Sweetwater CA’s Union High School now displays paid ads on their team buses, playing fields and band instruments.  The PA announcer begins each game:  “The coin toss is brought to you by the good folks at Foursquare Baptist.”                     

New England quarterback Tom Brady has signed the most lucrative contract in NFL history -- $60 million that will pay him $18 million annually.  Which also makes him the highest-paid Brady not related to Florence Henderson.

The football coach at the University of Miami has forbidden his players to use Twitter during games.  Couldn’t have come at a worse time.  The majority of them were almost able to construct a grammatically correct sentence using at least 140 letters.

A security video camera in a Ferndale, Michigan 7-Eleven taped a man robbing the clerk disguised as Darth Vader.  Witnesses described his voice as so convincing, police checked James Earl Jones’s alibi just to be on the safe side. 
________________________________

To download THE LAUGH MAKERS to your Kindle, I-Pad, computer or other reading device for only $9.95 complete and unabridged,  click on this link:

www.amazon.com/dp/B0041D9EPO

To read reviews and order the book from Amazon, click on this link:

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To order the book directly from the publisher, click on this link:

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To view photos from the book (plus many that couldn't be included) enlarged and in color, click on this link:

www.bobhopeshowbackstage.weebly.com

To download a FREE AUDIO BOOK, unabridged and read by the author -- musical bridges by Barry Dugan, click on this link: 

http://bearmanoraudio.com/audio/BOB-MILLS-AUDIO-BOOK/
________________________________

MONDAY, September 20, 2010

Pope Benedict visited Queen Elizabeth last week.  During their historic meeting, the pope curtsied, the queen kissed his ring, he canonized Elton John, she knighted Tony Bennett, and he picked up the check for the fish and chips.

After being found guilty of masterminding an insider trading plot to sell company stock, IBM executive Robert Moffat was sentenced to six months in jail.  To put it in computerese, his firewall now has towers and razor wire.

In an attempt to prevent serious head injuries on the gridiron, the NFL, the NCAA and high school coaches are instituting new directives.   The NCAA rules are so strict, a college player who sustains a concussion may now be required to attend a few classes.

An opera set aboard Star Trek‘s Starship Enterprise is doing SRO box office on tour in Europe.  For the first time in the history of opera, tour buses aren’t used to transport the cast -- they’re beamed to their next gig.

According to Hotels.com, the most expensive hotels are located on the isle of Capri, Rome and Geneva.  One Swiss hotel is so exclusive, it has an unlisted name and they leave a Rolex on your pillow.
________________________________

To download THE LAUGH MAKERS to your Kindle, I-Pad, computer or other reading device for only $9.95 complete and unabridged,  click on this link:

www.amazon.com/dp/B0041D9EPO

To read reviews and order the book from Amazon, click on this link:

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To order the book directly from the publisher, click on this link:

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To view photos from the book (plus many that couldn't be included) enlarged and in color, click on this link:

www.bobhopeshowbackstage.weebly.com

To download a FREE AUDIO BOOK, unabridged and read by the author -- musical bridges by Barry Dugan, click on this link: 

http://bearmanoraudio.com/audio/BOB-MILLS-AUDIO-BOOK/
________________________________

FRI, SAT, SUN, September 17, 18, 19

While 400 students cheered, the screen in a Pennsylvania high school auditorium began displaying sexually-explicit nude photos.  Parents protested but administrators were at a loss to explain the audio-visual glitch at Paris Hilton Prep.

When a passerby criticized his chord-changing technique, a Milwaukee street musician hit him over the head with his guitar.  Unfortunately for the victim, the guitar was a solid mahogany Fender Strato-Basher.

For the first time since their imprisonment, the trapped Brazilian miners were able to eat their first warm, home-cooked meal.  May not mean much to you, but the canary is resting a lot easier.
 
Southerners protested when former Mayberry Sheriff Andy Griffith endorsed Obama’s new health care plan.  Otis, the town drunk, sobered up long enough to chew him out and Aunt Bea is on a kitchen strike.

Results of the seizure by government agents of $1.9 million in assets owned by the Mafia are already beginning to show up.  The FBI reports that mob hit men are now renting cement overshoes.
________________________________

To download THE LAUGH MAKERS to your Kindle, I-Pad, computer or other reading device for only $9.95 complete and unabridged,  click on this link:

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To read reviews and order the book from Amazon, click on this link:

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To order the book directly from the publisher, click on this link:

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To view photos from the book (plus many that couldn't be included) enlarged and in color, click on this link:

www.bobhopeshowbackstage.weebly.com

To download a FREE AUDIO BOOK, unabridged and read by the author -- musical bridges by Barry Dugan, click on this link: 

http://bearmanoraudio.com/audio/BOB-MILLS-AUDIO-BOOK/
________________________________

THURSDAY, September 16, 2010

According to a recent study of internet use, the number of people over age 50 using Facebook doubled over the past year.   But instead of collecting friends, they collect organ donors.

Nike will soon market a professional basketball shoe that laces itself.  NBA players who’ve tested it say it really comes in handy in the middle of a locker room gunfight.

CNN has debuted a new political talk show co-hosted by Elliott Spitzer -- which may be a record.  Larry King and Elliott have more wives and mistresses between them than all the anchors at the other  news networks combined.

In search of fresh talent, the NBA has opened an office in Moscow.  Not much luck so far, though.  College standouts Kobenski Bryantov and Labronev Jamenov look to be years from qualifying for the draft.

Researchers at Brigham Young University and the University of North Carolina found that elderly people with many friends live longer than those with fewer.  Especially if they’re willing to donate organs.
________________________________

To download THE LAUGH MAKERS to your Kindle, I-Pad, computer or other reading device for only $9.95 complete and unabridged,  click on this link:

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To read reviews and order the book from Amazon, click on this link:

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To order the book directly from the publisher, click on this link:

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To view photos from the book (plus many that couldn't be included) enlarged and in color, click on this link:

www.bobhopeshowbackstage.weebly.com

To download a FREE AUDIO BOOK, unabridged and read by the author -- musical bridges by Barry Dugan, click on this link: 

http://bearmanoraudio.com/audio/BOB-MILLS-AUDIO-BOOK/ 

________________________________

WEDNESDAY, September 15, 2010

Flight attendants and several alert male passengers recently averted disaster when they tackled a former Playboy Magazine centerfold model trying to open an emergency exit.  No one was injured -- unless you count staple cuts.

Former Mayberry Sheriff Andy Griffith’s approval ratings plummeted in the south after he taped an endorsement of Obama’s health care plan.  Worse, Floyd the barber carved “TRAITOR” in one of his sideburns.

Lindsay Lohan will make her first post-jail public appearance on Oprah.  According to friends, she’d prefer to appear on Martha Stewart’s show, but under the terms of her probation she’s not allowed to associate with felons.

Reversing a government mandate in place for decades, Chinese couples are now allowed more than one child.  According to  intelligence sources, the government needs more trained accountants to keep track of all their U.S. dollars.

Hertz Rent-a-Car is negotiating to purchase Thrifty Car Rental for a record $1.4 billion -- plus an extra 10% if they turn in all their rentals with a full tank.

________________________________

To download THE LAUGH MAKERS to your Kindle, I-Pad, computer or other reading device for only $9.95 complete and unabridged,  click on this link:

www.amazon.com/dp/B0041D9EPO

To read reviews and order the book from Amazon, click on this link:

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To order the book directly from the publisher, click on this link:

www.bearmanormedia.bizland.com/id370.html

To view photos from the book (plus many that couldn't be included) enlarged and in color, click on this link:

www.bobhopeshowbackstage.weebly.com

To download a FREE AUDIO BOOK, unabridged and read by the author -- musical bridges by Barry Dugan, click on this link: 

http://bearmanoraudio.com/audio/BOB-MILLS-AUDIO-BOOK/
________________________________

TUESDAY, September 14, 2010

A Los Angeles Department of Public Health study found that only 61% of kitchens in private homes could pass the standard health inspection required of restaurants.  They recommend using a sneeze guard while dishing up salads. 

The thirty-three men trapped in a Brazilian mine reported to rescuers that many of them are suffering from athletes foot and that the mine is starting to smell like a locker room.  Must be true.  Kate Hudson is dating two of them.

The AMA cautions that gastric band surgery may not be advisable for obese patients under 18.  An alarming number of them told interviewers that they thought Gastric Band was a rock group and that they were signing up for concert tickets. 

An attorney in Cape Cod helped police corner a purse snatcher who had fled into a nearby backyard.  William Keating told officers it was pure luck that the thief picked the same alley as the ambulance he was chasing.

The pastor of an Anaheim, CA church called for his followers to get a tattoo during Sunday services to profess their faith.  One couple chose a joint Last Supper -- seven disciples on him and five on her. 
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FREE* AUDIO BOOK: The Laugh Makers, unabridged and read by the author -- musical bridges by Barry Dugan:

http://bearmanoraudio.com/audio/BOB-MILLS-AUDIO-BOOK/

*If you’re willing to post a short review on Amazon.com

NEW!  Color photos of 70s & 80s TV legends caught backstage on the Bob Hope Show:

www.bobhopeshowbackstage.weebly.com
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MONDAY, September 13, 2010

According to the CDC, patients without health insurance now spend an average of over four hours in hospital ERs waiting to be seen by a doctor.  In fact, it’s so common, several hospitals have reported an infestation of gurney bugs.

Marking the start of their tenth anniversary season, producers of “American Idol” announced that they’ve signed three of the trapped miners.

Following the record purchase of Burger King for $3.26 billion, Lindsay Lohan, Amy Winehouse and Charlie Sheen made an offer on In-And-Out Burger.  They plan to rename it “In-And-Out of Rehab Burger.”

According to a recent study, many heart bypass patients report that the surgery effected their taste.  Most  complain that after you’ve had your chest split open, it’s hard to enjoy oysters on the half shell.

An evangelical church pastor in Arkansas has announced that he plans protest the inhumane treatment of super models by burning a copy of Womens Wear Daily.
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FREE* AUDIO BOOK: The Laugh Makers, unabridged and read by the author -- musical bridges by Barry Dugan:
 
http://bearmanoraudio.com/audio/BOB-MILLS-AUDIO-BOOK/

*If you’re willing to post a short review on Amazon.com

NEW!  Color photos of 70s & 80s TV legends caught backstage on the Bob Hope Show:

www.bobhopeshowbackstage.weebly.com
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FRI, SAT, SUN, September 10, 11, 12

The Department of Science at the University of Baltimore is now offering a course in zombie studies.  Students spend a semester tracing the development of human blood-sucking since ancient times culminating in a class-dissection of Larry King.

In New York, a man fell 39 floors from an apartment balcony and survived because he landed on a car parked at the curb.  He was named the luckiest man in the world after statisticians calculated the odds of his landing on a brand new 2011 Ford Trampoline.

After approval by the city’s Health Department, New York restaurants may now add Australian kangaroo to their menus.  Those who’ve tried it report that it has a distinct flavor that falls somewhere between lamb and Crocodile Dundee.

Illegal alien registration proponent Governor Jan Brewer of Arizona recently went blank during a debate and stood mute for half a minute while gathering her thoughts.  Now she’s reportedly taking palm writing lessons from Sarah Palin.

New York restaurants will soon be required to post a Health Department notice indicating their level of food safety and sanitation.  There will be four possible grades -- A, B, C and Airline.

__________________________________________
FREE* AUDIO BOOK: The Laugh Makers, unabridged and read by the author -- musical bridges by Barry Dugan:
 
http://bearmanoraudio.com/audio/BOB-MILLS-AUDIO-BOOK/

*If you’re willing to post a short review on Amazon.com

NEW!  Color photos of 70s & 80s TV legends caught backstage on the Bob Hope Show:

www.bobhopeshowbackstage.weebly.com
__________________________________________

THURSDAY, September 9, 2010

Las Vegas hotel and casino magnate Steve Wynn notified Paris Hilton that she’s no longer welcome at any of his establishments.  Can you blame him?  If there’s one thing Vegas doesn’t need, it’s a reputation for self-indulgent, illegal behavior.

In the steamy Dodger divorce trial, Jamie McCourt has not denied testimony that she carried on a long affair with the chauffeur.  It’s not clear when the trysts took place, but next season Frank may do away with the seventh inning stretch.

Canadian Mounties foiled a plot by a former contestant on “Canadian Idol” to blow up a church with sticks of plastic explosives  strapped to his body.  The Pakistani immigrant claims he was told that he’d be greeted in heaven by 70 virgins and Paula Abdul.

As expected, the Unites States basketball team handily defeated Iran in the first round of the World Championships.  No surprise here, but the big question is does Iran have the long-range 3-pointers they’d need to eliminate Israel?

Recently, the Miami Dolphins suspended a practice game to search for a diamond earring lost in the Astro-turf by a prominent running back.  Embarrassing, but not quite as bad as the Yankees canceling batting practice to search for Kate Hudson’s ankle bracelet.
__________________________________________
FREE* AUDIO BOOK: The Laugh Makers, unabridged and read by the author -- musical bridges by Barry Dugan:
 
http://bearmanoraudio.com/audio/BOB-MILLS-AUDIO-BOOK/

*If you’re willing to post a short review on Amazon.com

NEW!  Color photos of 70s & 80s TV legends caught backstage on the Bob Hope Show:

www.bobhopeshowbackstage.weebly.com
__________________________________________

WEDNESDAY, September 8, 2010

Ending weeks of speculation, U.S. Ryder Team captain Corey Pavin has picked Tiger Woods -- but not without certain restrictions.  For instance, throughout the tournament Tiger must wear a specially-designed GPS device that sounds an alarm whenever he gets within 50 feet of a bimbo.

According to a recent study of religious migration, the Amish appear to be moving further west from their original home in Pennsylvania.  In fact, one researcher recently observed an Amish teen off the coast of Malibu hanging X.

The makers of Botox were fined a record-breaking $600 million by the FDA for selling the toxic substance intended for sub-dermal injection, for illegal purposes.  Maybe you’ve seen the new product on the hardware store shelf -- “Bed-Bugs-Away”?

Throughout the mid-east peace talks hosted in Washington by U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton with Netanyhu and Abbas, $4000 Armani suits appeared to be the uniform-of-the-day.  And the men were well-dressed, too.

According to reliable reports, USC legend Reggie Bush may be forced to return his Heisman Trophy.  First O.J. and now Reggie.  If that weren’t shocking enough, there’s evidence emerging that Heisman himself may have been running a Ponzi Scheme.

__________________________________________
FREE* AUDIO BOOK: The Laugh Makers, unabridged and read by the author -- musical bridges by Barry Dugan:
 
http://bearmanoraudio.com/audio/BOB-MILLS-AUDIO-BOOK/

*If you’re willing to post a short review on Amazon.com

NEW!  Color photos of 70s & 80s TV legends caught backstage on the Bob Hope Show:

www.bobhopeshowbackstage.weebly.com
__________________________________________

TUESDAY, September 7, 2010

In Italy, a special breed of  Portuguese water dog is being trained to assist drowning swimmers.  The dogs not only learn to dive into the surf and drag the victims to shore, they also administer snout-to-mouth resuscitation.

David Hasselhoff has been signed to appear on next season’s “Dancing With the Stars.”  So far, no sponsors have pulled out, but  McDonald’s says they won’t run any commercials featuring cheese burgers.

In a recent survey of frequent air travelers, 80% said they would support a law requiring airlines to designate separate areas specially designated for families traveling with small children -- preferably on the wing.
 
Catching vulcanologists completely off guard, a volcano in Indonesia has erupted after lying dormant for 400 years.  The scientific term for any harmful, unexpected eruption is “Mel Gibson Syndrome.”


A recent poll by JD Power Associates shows that among frequent hotel guests, the most sought-after amenity is free wi-fi.  It’s so popular, in fact, 37% of those questioned said they’d be willing to take a room with bedbugs just to get it. 

__________________________________________
FREE* AUDIO BOOK: The Laugh Makers, unabridged and read by the author -- musical bridges by Barry Dugan:

http://bearmanoraudio.com/audio/BOB-MILLS-AUDIO-BOOK/

*If you’re willing to post a short review on Amazon.com

NEW!  Candid color photos of 70s & 80s TV legends caught backstage on the Bob Hope Show:

www.bobhopeshowbackstage.weebly.com
__________________________________________

Monday, September 6, 2010

Stanford University scientists have been experimenting with a new fabric based on the suction cups found on the feet of a gecko that will allow humans to adhere to whatever they touch.  And you thought the only thing geckos were good for was selling insurance.

A California Department of Public Health study shows that 20% of the state’s population is in need of professional mental health care.  Responding to the stats, Home Depot now offers an easy-to-assemble, do-it-yourself rubber room kit.

According to statistics gathered by the CDC, the three leading causes of injury to children this time of year are falling from skateboards, bicycle mishaps and swimming pool accidents.  Number four is a tie between TV remote finger fractures and Cheeto overdoses.  

New York’s Empire State Building will soon have some competition from a 100-story hi-rise that is scheduled to be erected next to it.  The plush condos are already 65% sold -- the Yankees purchased them to house next season’s crop of rookie Hollywood girlfriends. 

Beginning next year, TSA inspectors at LaGuardia Airport and LAX will offer passengers a choice of a 10-second full body x-ray or a complete head-to-toe hand search.  The agents have already nicknamed them the “Superman & Lois” and the “Al Gore.”  
__________________________________________
FREE* AUDIO BOOK: The Laugh Makers, unabridged and read by the author -- musical bridges by Barry Dugan:
 
http://bearmanoraudio.com/audio/BOB-MILLS-AUDIO-BOOK/

*If you’re willing to post a short review on Amazon.com

NEW!  Color photos of 70s & 80s TV legends caught backstage on the Bob Hope Show:
 
www.thelaughmakerscaptionedphotos.weebly.com
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FRI, SAT, SUN, September 3,4,5

Indicative of the trend among the major airlines to tack on extra charges, American now demands a premium for early seating in Coach.  Their lawyers talked them out of charging extra for early distribution of a flotation device during a water landing.

According to the Las Vegas Chamber of Commerce, prices on the Strip are the lowest since the dessert oasis was built in the 1950s.  One low-cost package deal includes a room, six meals, a roll of quarters, and a massage by either Cher, Bette Midler or Siegfried.

Despite government assurance that Gulf seafood is safe, Louisiana’s fish restaurants there are empty.  Could poor marketing be partially to blame?  A New Orleans sushi restaurant chain now offers diners a choice of chopsticks or a dipstick.
 
Investigators from the U.S. Product Safety Commission are testing the Jeep Grand Cherokee to determine why they suddenly catch fire.  Chrysler’s lawyers have denied liability, claiming the fires are caused by disgruntled tribal leaders who are still teed off with that name.

According to the latest figures released by the U.S. Department of Social Services, one in six Americans relies on some form of government aid in order to eat.  In fact it’s become so widespread, three Manhattan soup kitchens are now listed in the Zugat Guide.
__________________________________________
FREE* AUDIO BOOK: The Laugh Makers, unabridged and read by the author -- musical bridges by Barry Dugan

http://bearmanoraudio.com/audio/BOB-MILLS-AUDIO-BOOK/

*If you're willing to post a short review on Amazon.com
__________________________________________

THURSDAY, September 2, 2010

The judge in the Anna Nicole Smith trial has ruled that nannies with information relative to the case are fully qualified to testify.  In fact, the judge will even allow them to use a rubber band to help them with the “Raise your right hand” part.

A truckload of live sheep overturned on New Jersey’s Interstate 80 near Newark.  That’s the official version issued by state police.  Actually, several farmers were injured when the accident marred their annual “End of Summer, Sweetie-pie Hayride.”  

A recent study shows that the average cellular telephone contains almost twenty times the harmful microbes and bacteria found on the average toilet handle.  Sure it may be a lot safer, but try calling someone by talking into a toilet handle.

The “Restoring Honor” political rally at the site of Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” speech suddenly, and some thought miraculously, turned religious.  Now there are rumors that Mel Gibson is working on a movie to be called “The Last Temptation of Glen Beck.”

According to figures released by the Northeast Climate Center, this past summer set an all time record for heat.  In fact, Westchester NY got so warm in August, Hillary Clinton actually smiled at Bill several times -- once witnessed and three rumored.
__________________________________________
FREE* AUDIO BOOK: The Laugh Makers, unabridged and read by the author -- musical bridges by Barry Dugan

http://bearmanoraudio.com/audio/BOB-MILLS-AUDIO-BOOK/

*If you agree to post a short review on Amazon.com
__________________________________________

Click here to add theme music to your reading experience...

THE LAUGH MAKERS: A Leonard Maltin "Top 20" Year End Pick!

DOLORES HOPE MEDLEY

DOLORES HOPE "Silver Bells" (with Bob)

BOB HOPE'S 1983 U.S. COLLEGE CAMPUS TOUR: Your Alma Mater Here?


"Having spent twenty years writing for the indefatigable Bob Hope, and traveling all over the world, Bob Mills is well qualified to salute the famous corps of gag men who kept the comedian knee-deep in jokes. These first-hand recollections summon up the final phase of Hope’s career—and the end of the trail for an entire brand of show business."

http://www.leonardmaltin.com/2009YearEndBookSurvey.htm

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THE LAUGH MAKERS is now on KINDLE! (And Kindle equipped devices)

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WakiLeaks: History Declassified 2000 (Vol. One) is now available on Kindle for $2.99

Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004IZLXIQ