THURSDAY, April 11, 2013

COLOR COORDINATED -- Turns out that America's longtime love affair with mac 'n' cheese may have been due to a harmful yellow dye that Kraft has been using to make the whole magilla seem more visually appealing.   Some intercepted inter-office memos show that Kraft scientists refer to the dye as "Cher."

PRICE CHECK! -- Ralph's and Food For Less markets in California and Arizona will soon install 225 hybrid auto charging station in their parking lots.  Most will dispense a full charge but there will be several "express" chargers for 12 miles worth or less.

DIGGING OUT -- The ban on alcoholic beverages in the dugout has been so successful, it's been extended to include MLB farm teams.  This is just the first phase of a three-pronged dugout cleanup that officials hope will extend players' lives.  First no alcohol... next no chewing tobacco... and finally, no Hollywood bimbos.

GREENS FEES -- Nike has launched a new ad campaign featuring Tiger Woods  with the theme "Winning Solves Everything" -- even though it didn't help him much keeping ex-wife Elin from getting the homes, the cars, the investment property, the bank accounts, the stocks, the bonds, and the convertible debentures.   But it sets up Nike's next campaign:  "Money Isn't Everything."   

MR. SANDMAN -- A new sleep study concluded that 58% of sleepwalkers when awakened suddenly can lash out violently and injure themselves and those around them.   The percentage rises to almost 100% if they awaken to find that they're in bed with a Kardashian.

(Contents Copyright (c) 2013 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved) 

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Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.