WEDNESDAY, August 29, 2012

MEA MAXIMA CULPA -- Salvatore Cordileone, the new Catholic Archbishop of San Francisco, was spotted by San Diego police driving erratically, pulled over, tested and charged with DUI.  Ironically, according to reliable eye-witnesses, he walked a straight line perfectly -- on solid ground.  But on water -- not even close. 

BODY LANGUAGE -- The Dallas Cowboys have imposed some strict off-field rules of conduct on the newly arrived Dez Bryant, including a ban on after-hours strip club attendance. Totally unfair, unfeeling and in total disregard of the young man's future when his gridiron days are behind him.  See, Dez is working on his GED and needs but C in Anatomy to graduate.

FOUR-ON-THE-FLOOR -- Seems that male car-buyers are longing to return to the past and are ordering twice as many manual shifts than in the past.  Wives and girlfriends have to be reeducated.  They think that thing on the floor is called a "clutch" because it's where you hang your handbag.


TURTLE WAXED -- Lena Henderson and Roland Davis who had married as teenagers in Chattanooga, Tenn., in 1944, have remarried after being divorced for 50 years.  Not that they haven't kept in touch over the years.  Seems they could never agree on who should get custody of their pet tortoise.

DEM BONES -- The ease and success of modern-day cataract surgery has resulted in some unexpected benefits.  For instance, now able to see where they're going, seniors are suffering fewer hip fractures.  And restaurant owners couldn't be  happier.  Now they can go back to regular size print for their "Early Bird" menus.

Copyright (c) 2012 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved

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