WEDNESDAY, April 18, 2012

President Barack Obama told reporters traveling with him to the Latin America Summit that he’ll be “very angry” if  those eleven Secret Service Agents sent home for cavorting with Colombian hookers are ultimately found guilty.  The scandal runs much deeper that what’s been reported.  You know those ear buds we thought they used to communicate with one another?  Forget about it.  Actually, they’re connected to “field agents” with 900 numbers and names like Bambi, Jasmine and Snookums.

Democratic political pundit Hillary Rosen caught all kinds of flack when she accused Ann Romney of having no credentials to comment on the concerns of the American working woman since she’s “never worked a day in her life.”  Actually Ann is hard-working wife in true Mormon pioneer tradition.  Neighbors claim they often spot her gathering twigs to prepare the evening meal or beating the family’s clothes on rocks in the river they own. 

Four-year old Heidi Hankins, daughter of a professor at the University of Southampton, has been admitted to the exclusive ranks of M.E.N.S.A. with an IQ of 159 – just one point below Albert Einstein’s.  Heidi’s parents first suspected they had produced a phenomenon when they noticed that she was using the letters in her alphabet soup to spell out passages from Harry Potter novels.

The competition among the national breakfast chains is heating up as summer approaches as evidenced by the latest gourmet breakfast item on the menu at the International House of Pancakes --  “Signature Pancakes,” described as “Chocolatey Red Velvet Flapjacks drizzled with Cream Cheese Icing.”  They’re called signature pancakes because you’re required to sign a release of liability before your order will be sent to the kitchen.

An ancient tombstone recently found in Rome indicates that Roman parents were much like today’s soccer moms, driving their kids to excel in sports and other adult activities.  According to information on his gravestone, Quintus Sulpicius Maximus died at age eleven shortly after doing well in an adult poetry contest.  Parents of the era even formed “Little Lions and Christians Leagues” and cheered on their kids as they battled tabby cats and members of the Vienna Boys Choir. 

(Copyright (c) 2012 Robert L. Mills)  

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