WEDNESDAY, April 11, 2012

This year’s green jacket at the Masters Golf Tournament went to Bubba Watson after he bested all-day scoreboard leader Louis Oosthuizen on the second hole of a sudden death playoff.  Bubba Watson is far from the best-known new star on the PGA tour and when Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was informed by an aide that a Bubba had won the Masters, she said, “Really?  I didn’t even know Bill played golf.”

The 158th running of the tradition-steeped Oxford-Cambridge boat race had to be stopped midway when a spectator clad in a black rubber wetsuit jumped into the Thames and positioned himself directly in the boats' path.  After a 30-minute delay, the race was resumed with Cambridge taking the checkered flag.  Officials were stunned – that anyone could actually swim in that polluted water and live. 

To accommodate the increasing incidence of peanut allergies among kids, the Mets have sectioned off a “peanut-free” zone of the bleachers where goobers will not be sold or eaten.  They got the idea from Yankee Stadium’s “bimbo-free” zone that has an alarm that goes off whenever Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson, Halle Berry or a Kardashian try to sit there.

Joining a list of accomplished guest stars, Lindsay Lohan will polish up her sharps and flats to join the cast of “Glee.”  Of course, certain precautions have been taken.  For instance, cast members have been cautioned to leave personal jewelry at home and rely solely on the wardrobe department for accessories.

Apple will take a bath on a lucrative contract they had landed with the Defense Department to supply pilots in the U.S. Air Force personal I-Pads.  According to a spokesman with the General Accounting Office, the deal was cancelled after the Pentagon discovered the pilots were downloading an ap that flew their planes without human intervention.

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Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.