;

FRI, SAT, SUN, April 13, 14, 15, 2012


Roller coaster fans worldwide are anxiously awaiting the unveiling of the first “zero gravity” thrill ride.  According to its designers, the stomach is suspended for several seconds as though floating in pure helium.  Professional test riders describe the sensation as not unlike getting a colonoscopy from Snoopy during the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade.  

To discourage uninsured patients who use the ER as a substitute for self-medicating minor ailments, a trend-setting Texas hospital charges them a $250 flat fee, due up-front.  How do they define a “minor ailment,” you might ask?  Well, according to the admissions guidelines posted on every gurney, it’s “any disease that costs less than $250 to catch.”

Hoboken, New Jersey amateur inventor Paul Sammut claims his new alarm clock will awaken even the soundest sleeper.  The secret is the thing can’t be turned off without entering a pin number which changes daily.   He got the idea for his “Ramos” clock from studying the cast of “The View” whose tongues can’t be silenced unless NBC enters a code that they seem to have forgotten.

Lyn Peters, a Capetown South Africa social networking executive, was rescued by his Twitter followers after he twitted that he’d been locked in the trunk of his car and left by kidnappers hoping to collect a large ransom.  He told police who soon arrived on the scene that he would have been rescued sooner, but it took awhile to condense his predicament into 140 words.       

Best Buy announced they’ll open 50 stores in Beijing, Shanghai and other major Chinese cities.  They’ll look like the stores in the U.S., except in true Oriental culinary tradition, the Best Buy tech support employees won’t be called “The Geek Squad” as they are here.  Instead, their technicians will be called “The Leek Squad,” dispensing home-made soup to Best Buy customers along with their expertise.

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THE LAUGH MAKERS: A Leonard Maltin "Top 20" Year End Pick!

DOLORES HOPE MEDLEY

DOLORES HOPE "Silver Bells" (with Bob)

BOB HOPE'S 1983 U.S. COLLEGE CAMPUS TOUR: Your Alma Mater Here?

"Having spent twenty years writing for the indefatigable Bob Hope, and traveling all over the world, Bob Mills is well qualified to salute the famous corps of gag men who kept the comedian knee-deep in jokes. These first-hand recollections summon up the final phase of Hope’s career—and the end of the trail for an entire brand of show business."

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WakiLeaks: History Declassified 2000 (Vol. One) is now available on Kindle for $2.99

Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.

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