FRI, SAT, SUN., April 26, 27, 28, 2012

BAUBLE BILL -- In what’s widely believed a last-ditch attempt to salvage what’s left of Lindsay Lohan’s acting career, the embattled actress has been signed by the Lifetime Channel to play the late Elizabeth Taylor in a biopic to be titled “Liz and Dick.”  The film will focus on Taylor’s snatching Eddie Fisher from Debbie Reynolds and then dumping him to marry her “Cleopatra” co-star Richard Burton – twice.  But already production expenses are mounting.   For instance, Van Cleef and Arpels have been hired to design and manufacture a $250,000 platinum and diamond L.A. Sheriff’s ankle bracelet for Dick to give Liz in the film. 

CHEERS! -- A court in Egypt has upheld the three-month prison sentence given to the leading Egyptian comic actor, Adel Imam, for blasphemy.   Along with his films and plays that satirize Islam, religious leaders found a particular joke he told offensive.  According to a court reporter who chose to remain anonymous, the joke went like this:  A suicide bomber goes into a bar and orders a vodka martini to settle his nerves.  The bartender pours his drink  and says, “Anything else?”  And the guy says, “Yeah, if seventy-two virgins call, I’m not here.”

ACCOUNT CLOSED -- According to several reliable news sources, Newt Gingrich will withdraw from the GOP presidential race next week.  Even though he’s spent all winter campaigning and snagged a few electoral votes, Newt still just doesn’t seem to get it.  He’s going to make the announcement on the front steps of Tiffany. 

TORCH SONG -- For the first time in the history of the Olympic Games, a member of the British Royal Family will be a torch-bearer at the opening ceremonies in London on July 27.   Well, strictly speaking, Prince Harry won’t really be holding a torch.   In deference to his royal lineage, officials are waiving the rules dating back to Greek antiquity and will allow him to light his breath.  

BRIDE BALKS -- In Rajasthan state, India Laxmi Sargara, 18, has become one of the first child brides to challenge that nation’s ancient custom of arranged marriage -- and win.  She wed Rakesh (he uses one name) in 1995 when she was one and he was three.  Laxmi decided to balk when her dad-in-law showed up last month to take her away.  Good lesson here for westerners.  No matter the culture, those May-December marriages never seem to work out, although seventeen years is nothing to snicker at.  

SHOW TIME -- Now booking shows for the summer and fall.  This show is the perfect comic relief for conventions, corporate meetings and workshops.  Host Bob Mills recalls stories, anecdotes and adventures from his two decades traveling the world with Bob Hope -- to China, Australia, Tahiti, London, Stockholm and trips to entertain the military, all illustrated with video clips from Hope specials co-starring Liz Taylor, Dick Burton, Lucy, Milton Berle, George Burns, Angie Dickinson, Ann Jillian, Donny & Marie, Glen Campbell, Mickey Rooney, Red Skelton, Danny Kaye, Ronald Reagan and a host of others.  For rates and conditions write to:  TheLaughMakers@GMail.com

(Copyright (c) 2012 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved)

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