Police in Milledge, Georgia surrounded and stormed a kindergarten classroom at a local preschool where 6-year old Salecia Johnson was handcuffed and taken into custody. She’s been charged with illegal possession of ten pounds of raw, uncut pabulum estimated to have a Sesame Street value of 5000 McDonalds Happy Meal coupons.
Researchers at the Harvard School of Public Health studied 200 subjects and concluded that optimistic, happy people have a lower risk of heart attack or stroke with less hypertension and cholesterol buildup. Never known to pass up a medical marketing opportunity, Johnson & Johnson has designed an emergency defibrillator that gives the user a choice between high-voltage paddles or several classic Laurel & Hardy films.
Welch bank teller Chris Birch, 27, claims that a tumbling accident which briefly interrupted the supply of oxygen to his brain turned him suddenly gay, changing his appearance and sexual orientation almost overnight. He told doctors that he suspected something had gone awry when, upon returning home from the hospital, he began replacing his Nine Inch Nails and and Dead Kennedys cassette tapes with Bette Midler albums and Broadway show tune CDs.
Forty-nine year old Colorado Rockies pitcher Jamie Moyer became the oldest pitcher in the history of baseball to win a game when he posted a 5-3 win over the San Diego Padres. Actually, according to several leading MLB statisticians, it qualifies as a perfect game for someone born almost half a century ago – no bathroom breaks.
Former “American Bandstand” host and “New Year’s Rockin’Eve” ball-drop host Dick Clark has passed on at age 82. In recognition of the trail forged by Dick and Ed McMahon with their ground-breaking show “Star-Search,” producers of the multi-million dollar “rags-to-riches” amateur showcase “American Idol” paused their auditions for one minute of silence.
