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THURSDAY, April 19, 2012


After ordering his martinis “shaken, not stirred” in scores of films, James Bond will switch to Heinekens beer in his next covert adventure, “Sky Fall.”  It’s part of the producer’s attempt to provide a positive role model for the unemployed who might be intimidated by Mr. Bond’s former taste for all things expensive.  Watch for other signs of cut-backs like his Aston-Martin that’s become a Kia…  Miss Moneypenny’s replacement, Miss Pennysaver…  and even James’s new name, Agent 006 7/8.

Lubbock, Texas vice squad officers closed down an imaginative entrepreneur who hired former strip club employees to staff her nude house maid service.  According to initial reviews, the service was an immediate success with many customers  surprised at how efficient the maids are.  One of them told the cops, “You have no idea how clean a kitchen can be until someone does a lap dance in your sink.”

According to a survey commissioned by the AMA, about one out of six practicing surgeons also qualifies as a practicing alcoholic.  Luckily, the tipsy doc is pretty easy to spot at AA meetings.  Despite the anonymity, he’s usually the one who never brings food but thinks that donating a pile of magazines from 1987 for the members to read during breaks is doing his part.

The concept of the chain supermarket, first developed in the mid-1920’s by U.S. retailer Safeway, finally reached China and has become extremely successful there.  For the first time ever, more pre-packaged groceries were sold there last month than in New York, Chicago and Los Angeles combined.  They have a much larger population than the U.S., of course.  For instance, in their markets, the “Express Lane” is 6840 items or fewer.

Remember the cruise ship Costa Concordia that ran aground off the island of Giglio in Italy?  Well, plans are underway to re float the luxury liner at a cost of $300 million, half the cost of building the 3,000 passenger ship in the first place.  It’s being heralded as the largest and most complex salvage operation since the U.S. Coast Guard re floated Kirstie Alley after she became lodged under the Santa Monica Pier while body-surfing.

(Copyright (c) 2012 Robert L. Mills)
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