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TUESDAY, April 24, 2012


BARE MINIMUM -- Irate after being caught smoking in a non-smoking section of the Denver Airport, a woman waiting to board a flight took off her clothes, piled them at her feet, and presented herself buck naked to startled security personnel for pre-flight screening.  But before she was led off to the loony bin, since she was already prepped, the x-ray operator gave her a free mammogram.




TAIL GUNNER JOE -- Air Force Two, the Boeing 757 carrying Vice President Joe Biden to an appearance in Santa Barbara, California, flew into a flock of starlings and had to make an emergency landing.   Immediately, he was reported to have told his secret Service agents, “Relax, boys, we’re not landing in Colombia.”


MISS PIGGY'S DELIGHT -- In the ever-escalating war of the fast-food emporiums to lure the marginally obese away from the competition, Burger King has announced a new menu item – a sundae made with caramel, chocolate, soft serve ice cream and bacon strips.  Not to worry, though, if you’re concerned about packing on the calories. They also offer the “Girth-Conscious Special” -- the same sundae made with turkey bacon strips.


VICTORIAN GILT -- Rarely seen documents chronicling the life and reign of Queen Victoria have been put on public view on a new website marking Queen Elizabeth’s Diamond Jubilee.  Included in the archives are letters, paintings and several rare photographs -- one showing the Queen having her portrait painted for a stamp and another showing her swimming laps in the moat. 



FLEET STREET CRIME -- Officers at Scotland Yard are appealing to the public for witnesses to a mugging that took place in Hammersmith, west London.  The victim, George Fergusson, who sustained facial injuries and had his wallet snatched, is a British diplomat scheduled to be sent to Bermuda.   Attending physicians said the lacerations on the victim’s upper lip would have been much worse had it not been so naturally stiff to begin with.

(Copyright (c) 2012 by Robert L. Mills All Rights Reserved)
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