WEDNESDAY, May 23, 2012


SHIVER ME TIMBERS! – Marine biologists working with the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration to access the underwater damage inflicted by British Petroleum on undersea wildlife in the Gulf of Mexico last year have come across a wooden sailing vessel believed to have sunk off the coast of Louisiana about 1800 and possibly belonging to pirates.   With the hull resting on the bottom at about 4,000 feet, the find confirms the accuracy of Disneyworld’s “Pirates of the Caribbean” ride.  Divers discovered a battered sign near the forward gangplank that says “You Must Be This Tall To Board This Ship.”

Divers observed broken dishes, eating utensils and bottles strewn along the sea floor near the sunken hull.   Recovered from the ship’s supply locker was a half-full bottle with a label that says "BLOW-THE-MAN-DOWN Cleaning Fluid: For removing parrot droppings from epaulets."

PROFESSIONAL COURTESY, ANYONE? -- Three Drug Enforcement Administration agents are being investigated on charges that they cavorted with Colombian hookers at the same time Secret Service agents were entertaining them in their Cartagena, Colombia hotel suites during President Obama’s April visit to the South American city.  Apparently the three agents who were stationed there were implicated by Arthur Huntington White House the body-guard who tried to stiff his independent contractor and brought the whole sordid affair to light.  Lesson here – Apparently the Secret Service will take a bullet for the President, but when it comes to taking the fall for their colleagues…

CHANNEL SURFING ICON -- Eugene Polly, who as a young engineer at Zenith Radio Corporation, in 1955 invented (along with his partner Robert Adler) the first wireless television remote control they patented under the name the “Flash-Matic,” joining eighteen other TV-related patents they would collect over his next 47 years.  Polley was 96 and, according to authorities, had been dead for some time before a visiting relative found him curled up between two of his couch cushions.

AMATEUR HOUR -- At a press conference ABC programming chief Paul Lee announced that the net’s new fall lineup would include four new shows and the transfer of “Revenge” to the 9 pm slot vacated by “Desperate Housewives.”  In addition, the net  will air an “All Star” version of the popular “Dancing With the Stars.”  One can only imagine the reluctance producers must have felt when the idea of airing an "all-star" version of their show was pitched.  After all, the title itself strongly implies that the typical episode involves precious few “stars” and fewer still who have had even a nodding acquaintance with actual dancing.

DRESS CODE BLUE -- A British public school boy wore a knee-length skirt to class at Impington Village College near Cambridge to protest the school’s ban on boys wearing shorts during the summer months.  Chris Whitehead addressed the morning assembly and immediately received a positive reaction to his efforts to change school policy, receiving the largest ovation when he reenacted the mooning scene from Mel Gibson’s "Braveheart."

Copyright (c) 2012  by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved

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