5-23-2012
SHIVER ME TIMBERS! – Marine biologists working with the
National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration to access the underwater damage
inflicted by British Petroleum on undersea wildlife in the Gulf of Mexico last
year have come across a wooden sailing vessel believed to have sunk off the
coast of Louisiana about 1800 and possibly belonging to pirates. With the hull resting on the bottom at about
4,000 feet, the find confirms the accuracy of Disneyworld’s “Pirates of the
Caribbean” ride. Divers discovered a
battered sign near the forward gangplank that says “You Must Be This Tall To Board
This Ship.”
Divers
observed broken dishes, eating utensils and bottles strewn along the
sea floor near the sunken hull. Recovered from the ship’s supply locker was a half-full bottle with a label
that says "BLOW-THE-MAN-DOWN Cleaning Fluid: For removing parrot droppings from epaulets."
PROFESSIONAL
COURTESY, ANYONE? -- Three Drug Enforcement Administration agents are being
investigated on charges that they cavorted with Colombian hookers at the same
time Secret Service agents were entertaining them in their Cartagena, Colombia
hotel suites during President Obama’s April visit to the South American
city. Apparently the three agents who
were stationed there were implicated by Arthur Huntington White House the
body-guard who tried to stiff his independent contractor and brought the whole
sordid affair to light. Lesson here –
Apparently the Secret Service will take a bullet for the President, but when it
comes to taking the fall for their colleagues…
CHANNEL
SURFING ICON -- Eugene Polly, who as a young engineer at Zenith Radio
Corporation, in 1955 invented (along with his partner Robert Adler) the first
wireless television remote control they patented under the name the
“Flash-Matic,” joining eighteen other TV-related patents they would collect
over his next 47 years. Polley was 96
and, according to authorities, had been dead for some time before a visiting
relative found him curled up between two of his couch cushions.
AMATEUR HOUR -- At a press
conference ABC programming chief Paul Lee announced that the net’s
new fall lineup would include four new shows and the transfer of “Revenge” to
the 9 pm slot vacated by “Desperate Housewives.” In addition, the net will air an “All Star” version of the popular
“Dancing With the Stars.” One can only
imagine the
reluctance producers must have felt when the idea of airing an "all-star"
version of their show was pitched. After
all, the title itself strongly implies that the typical episode involves
precious few “stars” and fewer still who have had even a nodding acquaintance
with actual dancing.
DRESS CODE BLUE -- A British
public school boy wore a knee-length skirt to class at Impington Village
College near Cambridge to protest the school’s ban on boys wearing shorts
during the summer months. Chris
Whitehead addressed the morning assembly and immediately received a positive
reaction to his efforts to change school policy, receiving the largest ovation when he reenacted the mooning scene
from Mel Gibson’s "Braveheart."
Copyright (c) 2012 by Robert L. Mills All Rights Reserved
