;

THURSDAY, May 31, 2012


5/31/2012
AIR RAID SHELTER -- According to a new report from the Centers for Disease Control, burgers, fries and sodas have tripled in size, on average, since the 1950s.  Hamburgers grew from 3.9 ounces to 12 ounces, fries from 2.4 ounces to 6.7 ounces and sodas from 7 to 42 ounces.  And the startling increases have drastically altered human behavior, too.  For instance, in 1950 kids were told to “Duck and Cover” during a nuclear attack.  Today, they’re told to dive under their lunch.      



SOUP’S ON -- The largest law firm ever to declare bankruptcy has filed for Chapter 11 protection after attempts to merge with another firm failed.  Dewey & Leboeuf was formed in 2007 with the merger of Dewey, Balantine, LeBoeuf, Lamb, Green and MacRae giving it a total of 1,300 lawyers in twelve countries.  Reasons for the gigantic failure include the worldwide depression, unconscionable salaries and continued illegal harvesting by the Japanese for their fins which they consider an aphrodisiac.   



  



LADY SINGS THE BLUES -- Following violent protests by hard line Islamic groups carrying signs with messages like “Reject the Devil, Lady Gaga,” the embattled pop star cancelled her planned performance in Jakarta later this week.  When questioned by reporters immediately dispatched to cover the story, a spokesman for the government expressed concern over security issues.  “We feel we could provide complete safety for one of her ‘Ga’s,’ but we’re just not equipped to protect both of them.” 




DON’T BE A LITTERBUG -- NASA issued a series of behavioral guidelines to members of the 26 teams vying for $30 million to become the first non-government space explorers to land on the moon.  Sponsored by the X-Prize Foundation, top money will go to the team that lands successfully, travel at least one-third of a mile on the lunar surface and transmits clear video back to earth.   A $1 million bonus will be paid by Star Trek Space Mavens, Inc. to the team that first plants a flag with a portrait of William Shatner painted on it.  





A LITTLE BIT COUNTRY -- ABC’s reality series “The Bachelorette” has spawned a spin off called “The Mormon Bachelor.com” in which 26-year old Kent Tuttle, a dental student at Midwestern University will date 25 Mormon women to find his ideal mate.  It won’t be a piece of cake, either.  Mormon dates can be a real challenge.  Couples must try to get acquainted with no coffee, no booze, and no premarital sex.  If it weren’t for Donny & Marie albums, they’d have nothing to do at all.





Copyright (c) 2012 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved



Click here to add theme music to your reading experience...

THE LAUGH MAKERS: A Leonard Maltin "Top 20" Year End Pick!

DOLORES HOPE MEDLEY

DOLORES HOPE "Silver Bells" (with Bob)

BOB HOPE'S 1983 U.S. COLLEGE CAMPUS TOUR: Your Alma Mater Here?


"Having spent twenty years writing for the indefatigable Bob Hope, and traveling all over the world, Bob Mills is well qualified to salute the famous corps of gag men who kept the comedian knee-deep in jokes. These first-hand recollections summon up the final phase of Hope’s career—and the end of the trail for an entire brand of show business."

http://www.leonardmaltin.com/2009YearEndBookSurvey.htm

Even Animals Love "THE YouTube WORLDWIDE NEWS"!


THE LAUGH MAKERS is now on KINDLE! (And Kindle equipped devices)

Download THE LAUGH MAKERS to your Kindle within one minute (for $2.99) by clicking on this link:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0041D9EPO

And if you're not yet a Kindle owner, when you purchase your new lower-priced Kindle with a capacity of 3500 books, be sure to sign up for our daily blog so you won't miss one issue of the web's most entertaining and insightful comments on the day's events... or a single serialized installment of THE LAUGH MAKERS. Order your Kindle today!


WakiLeaks: History Declassified 2000 (Vol. One) is now available on Kindle for $2.99

Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004IZLXIQ