FRI, SAT, SUN, May 18, 19, 20, 2012

OPERATION LARCENY – Better nail down the Halls of Montezuma and the shores of Tripoli.  The Naval Criminal Investigative Service has broken up a ring of forty-seven active duty Marines and sailors who, with the help of civilian government employees, managed to make off with military equipment worth an estimated $2 million, including assault rifles, side arms, night-vision goggles, binoculars, walkie-talkies, and flashlights which they fenced on e-Bay and Craig’s List.  A Pentagon spokesman denied reports that the Corps will be changing their recruiting motto to “We Want a Few Good Second-Story Men.”

FROZEN IN TIME -- Using photographs and state-of-the-art laser scanning technology, design engineers at Virgin Atlantic Airways have created ice cubes that are exact replicas of company founder Sir Richard Branson’s head.  The new cubes will be served exclusively at “the longest bar in the air” aboard Virgin’s Upper Class flights that feature enhanced mood lighting and intimate seating.  In addition to the personalized ice cubes, those ordering martinis will notice that their olives have been carved into perfect likenesses of Prince William and Kate Middleton.

NEVER ON SUNDAY – And never deny Greeks the opportunity to party.  In Chenango, New York, westbound lanes of the Interstate 88 highway had to be closed by state troopers after a long-haul semi-trailer truck carrying 36,000 pounds of Greek yogurt overturned, spilling its cargo along a quarter mile stretch of the freeway.   Since the road was closed anyway, firemen responding to the call for cleanup, many of them of Greek decent, staged an impromptu Athens wedding reception with singing and dancing all accompanied by the soundtrack from “Zorba.”
Statue on display in Chicago where it was created
GENTLEMEN PREFER -- A 26-foot statue of Marilyn Monroe holding her skirt from blowing up in that famous scene from “Seven Year Itch” has been formally unveiled in Palm Springs, CA.  The work was created by Johnson & Johnson heir Seward Johnson who’s reportedly hard at work on a companion piece that will depict “Joltin’ Joe” DiMaggio and “Death of a Salesman” playwright Arthur Miller playing pinochle in the background.

BAG ‘EM, DANO!  -- As a response to the accumulation of trash on beaches and in the ocean surrounding the islands, Hawaii will become the first state in the union to ban plastic grocery bags beginning on July 15.  Major supermarket chains have begun phasing out the plastic bags with one upscale market leading the cleanup efforts by training their clerks to wrap groceries in more environmentally-friendly mesh bags made of dried seaweed and, for frozen items, large conch shells.

Copyright (c) 2012 by Robert L. Mills   All Rights Reserved

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