A Longtime Bob Hope Joke Writer Presents Daily Insightful Topical Satire Of Current Events (Illustrated) Plus Rare Photos From Hollywood's Bygone Era And Excerpts From THE LAUGH MAKERS By Robert L. Mills -- Color Photos From the Book and Rare Classic Vintage Video Clips! Send Your Show Biz Questions to "ASK BOB" at: TheLaughMakers@GMail.com
MONDAY, May 28, 2012
NOT SO GRAND OPRAH
"I'm in the climb of my life," Oprah tells advertisers.
THE COLOR RED -- After launching in
2008 amid much hoopla and ballyhoo, the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN) has been
sinking faster than the Costa Concordia.
The fledgling network is reported to be $330 million in debt and in
danger of going belly-up. In fact,
Oprah’s so strapped for cash, she and Stedman may audition to get on “Dancing With
$PON$OR$ -- Under the terms of a
long-term deal signed last year with CBS and NBC, the standard rate now charged
advertisers for commercial placement during NFL games is $1 million per minute,
$500,000 for 30 seconds and $250,000 for fifteen seconds. Advertisers saddled with a tight budget can
buy space on the coin used during the coin-toss for $100,000 a side.
SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL SHERIFF
ALOHA OI VEY -- Arizona’s
tough-as-nails illegal alien hunter Sheriff Joe Arpaio actually sent several of
his deputies to Honolulu at state expense to look for a fake Barack Obama birth
certificate. They failed to dig up any dirt
on the president, but they did find evidence that Arpaio may be the
illegitimate son of Don Ho and Charo.
SOUR GRAPE JUICE -- The first privately
manufactured space capsule Dragon has docked at the International Space Station with
six tons of supplies. Former NASA
astronauts Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin testified before Congress condemning
the civilian space program as "unsafe." But remember these guys
are a little old-fashioned -- they used to celebrate successful missions by
dousing the head of Houston Control with buckets of Tang.
GREEKS BEARING GIFTS
NO KIDDIE -- With unemployment at 21%, hospitals in Greece are strictly
enforcing health care rules that require a person have a job or be
receiving unemployment to qualify. One unemployed mother claims her doctor
refused to hand over her baby after learning she couldn’t pay for her $1500
Cesarean section. In defense of the
hospital, though, they did offer the kid to Angelina Jolie for adoption.
Copyright (c) 2012 by Robert L. Mills All Rights Reserved
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"Having spent twenty years writing for the indefatigable Bob Hope, and traveling all over the world, Bob Mills is well qualified to salute the famous corps of gag men who kept the comedian knee-deep in jokes. These first-hand recollections summon up the final phase of Hope’s career—and the end of the trail for an entire brand of show business."
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WakiLeaks: History Declassified 2000 (Vol. One) is now available on Kindle for $2.99
Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.