A Longtime Bob Hope Joke Writer Presents Daily Insightful Topical Satire Of Current Events (Illustrated) Plus Rare Photos From Hollywood's Bygone Era And Excerpts From THE LAUGH MAKERS By Robert L. Mills -- Color Photos From the Book and Rare Classic Vintage Video Clips! Send Your Show Biz Questions to "ASK BOB" at: TheLaughMakers@GMail.com
THURSDAY, May 3, 2012
HMS Titanic April 10, 1912 - April 15, 1912
ICE MAN COMETH -- Australian
mining billionaire Clive Palmer has engaged a Chinese ship-building company to
construct as close a replica of the ill-fated Titanic as possible incorporating
the latest computer technology and safety features that will include enough
lifeboats for every passenger, radar that will detect objects in the water up
to five miles ahead and instant communication with the Coast Guard. And they may need all of it. There are reports that James Cameron has
begun working on a perfect replica of the iceberg.
"Let's see... I'll have -- "
FRIES WITH THAT? -- Customers
lined up at a McDonald’s drive-thru window in Brush, Colorado were amazed when
a cow sauntered into the line and stood there as though studying the menu board
displayed nearby. Police and animal
control officers were called and, after analyzing DNA samples taken from the
animal, determined that she had walked at least ten miles to attend a family
ZIPPIDY DOODAH -- Disney,
the world's largest theme park owner, announced a deal with Starbucks, the
world's largest coffee chain, to open stores in its theme parks at Disneyland
Park and Walt Disney World Resort. It’s the usual deal that Disney requires of all of their vendors – the
Mouse collects a hefty percentage of the profits. With those Starbucks prices, Disney
accountants figure they’ll make back the massive losses from “John Carter” in
about three weeks.
GNARLY HARLEY -- A Canadian beachcomber exploring
British Columbia's Graham Island found a cargo container with a still operable Japanese
motorcycle in it. The container is
believed to have floated across the ocean following last year’s tsunami. The owner has not been identified, but there
is one clue – a crumpled tee-shirt was found in the bike’s shopping basket with
“EVEL SUKIYAKI” printed on it.
POST TIME! -- Hard to believe it’s
time once again for that annual homage to the Sport of Kings, the Kentucky
Derby. Officials at Churchill Downs are
thrilled to have signed pop icon Mary J. Blige to sing the traditional National
Anthem. And there’s an added attraction
this year – in the winner’s circle, Willie Nelson will honor Kentucky’s
contribution to Big Tobacco by smoking some of that local blue grass.
Copyright (c) 2012 by Robert L. Mills All Rights Reserved
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"Having spent twenty years writing for the indefatigable Bob Hope, and traveling all over the world, Bob Mills is well qualified to salute the famous corps of gag men who kept the comedian knee-deep in jokes. These first-hand recollections summon up the final phase of Hope’s career—and the end of the trail for an entire brand of show business."
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WakiLeaks: History Declassified 2000 (Vol. One) is now available on Kindle for $2.99
Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.