THURSDAY, May 24, 2012


CELLAR DWELLERS -- CNN has reached their lowest Nielsen viewership in fifteen years with “Piers Morgan Tonight” drawing a paltry 39,000 viewers in the coveted 29-54 demographic.  Here’s how desperate things are over there right now.  Yesterday, they seriously considered letting Wolf Blitzer go and hiring “Jersey Shore’s” The Situation to host “The Situation Room.”

LABEL LIBEL -- The government of Iran is threatening to sue Google for failing to label the Persian Gulf on their Google Maps website.  The objection recalls Iran’s criticism of the U.S. Military for calling the same body of water “The Arabian Gulf.”  Google responded by threatening to label it “The Oprah Winfrey Gulf” so nobody would search for it. 

GOING POSTAL -- According to a recent report from the Government Accounting Office assessing the most badly-managed federal offices, the U.S. Postal Service loses $25 million every day.  And that’s in addition to all the mail they can’t find.

 TRAY TRAPPINGS -- Boeing’s new 787 “Dreamliner” carries more passengers with greater fuel efficiency thanks to the new lightweight plastics used in its construction.  Technology has sure come a long way, hasn’t it?  Just a few years ago, who would have dreamed that we’d be riding on a plane made out of the same thing we’re eating off of in Tourist?

A baseball fan named Caleb Lloyd pulled off one of the most historic feats in the history of major league baseball.  In the center field stands for a night game between the Atlanta Braves and the Cincinnati Reds,  he caught a homer hit by pitcher Mike Leake in the fourth inning and then caught Zack Cozart's round-tripper minutes later.  MLB statisticians place the odds of such an occurrence as so astronomical, it's completely off the charts -- about the same odds, say, as the Chicago Cubs winning a game. 

Copyright (c) 2012 by Robert L. Mills   All Rights Reserved 

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Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.