WEDNESDAY, May 16, 2012

LOUNGE LIZARDS -- According to a recent survey conducted by Hart Research Associates and The Winston Group, airline travelers are more dissatisfied with flying than ever before, with a whopping 48% of frequent fliers angry at the carriers.  They resent the airlines changing the rules as they go along making the accumulation of free miles more and more difficult.  For instance, Southwest now refuses to qualify a flight for credit unless the passenger can accurately recall how many Margaritas the pilot drank before it began.

NEW IN TOWN, SAILOR? -- HDNet has debuted a new reality show featuring Nevada's notorious "Mustang Ranch" titled “Mustang Ranch: Labor of Love.”  The producers have tried something a little different, hoping to create a unique series incorporating elements of "Survivor" and "The View."  Johns won't be allowed to pick a girl unless he can convince a tribal council that he deserves her and even then he must survive an hour locked in a sealed room with four hookers discussing whether Obama or Romney would be better for women.

IF THE COLLAR FITS -- Twenty-four year old Craig Dershowitz has blown through his life savings prosecuting his ex-girlfriend, Sarah Brega, whom he has accused of “kidnapping” his half beagle, half pug, “Knuckles.”  In legal documents filed with the State Supreme Court in Manhattan, Craig claims Sarah ran off with his dog and fled to California out of spite.  While his legal fees mount, Craig is so desperate he even appealed to his namesake (no relation) Harvard professor, Alan Dershowitz who refused to help unless Craig wanted him to prove that Knuckles had nothing to do with the murder of Nicole Brown-Simpson.

FRENCH POST CARDS? --Former C.I.A. spy Hank Crampton who served as Deputy Director of the Agency’s Counter Terrorism Center, told Lara Logan on 60 Minutes that there are more foreign spies on U.S. soil today than at the height of the Cold War.  He also disclosed that he “… never met a North Korean government official who couldn’t be bribed with pornography.”  Life is full of surprises, isn’t it?  Who would have dreamed that naming Charlie Sheen Ambassador to North Korea might be our only hope of keeping them from lobbing a nuke at us?

UNSASHED -- Red-faced organizers of the Miss World Contest were forced by their own rules to dethrone Miss Fiji after it was disclosed that Torika Watters was only sixteen.  They transferred the crown to Koini Vakaloloma, the 24-year old first runner-up who will vie for the world prize in Inner Mongolia, China in August.  According to the Australian Broadcasting Corp., the judges decided to take another peek at Torika’s application after she told them her dream was to find a cure for cancer, stamp out famine in Ethiopia and be asked to the Senior Prom by the captain of the football team.

Copyright (c) 2012 by Robert L. Mills   All Rights Reserved

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