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THURSDAY, May 17, 2012

5-17-2012
FAME IS FLEETING -- He prowled the halls of the White House with Watergate embattled, soon to be driven out of office Richard Nixon, for whom he served as Secretary of State and with whom he was instrumental in opening China to the west.  He won a Nobel Peace Prize for his efforts to end the Vietnam War.  All this notwithstanding, 89-year-old Henry Kissinger was given the full TSA pat-down search when he arrived at New York’s LaGuardia Airport to board his flight to Toronto.  According to witnesses, he protested loudly but no one understood the language he was speaking so they just assumed it was Arabic.

FANGS FOR THE MEMORY -- Lewiston, Idaho Walmart shopper Mica Craig, 47, had to be rushed to the ER after reaching down to pick up what he thought was a stick in the Pool & Garden section only to have a full-grown rattlesnake sink its fangs into the palm of his hand.  Six units on antivenin had to be administered to counteract the effects of the potentially lethal bite which could, Craig was advised by doctors, result in permanent disfigurement.  Wow.  If Craig thinks being attacked by one rattlesnake was bad, just wait until he has to deal with Walmart’s lawyers after he files his lawsuit.

OH, THANK HEAVEN! -- In an attempt to lasso calorie-conscious young women, the traditionally male appealing 7-Eleven will introduce a sugar-free “Slurpee Lite” with new flavors including mango, strawberry-banana and cherry lime-aid.  For the males, 7-Eleven will soon unveil their new $1.99 corn dog, beef jerky, onion and jalapeno burrito, Slurpee combo.  They’re calling it the “Burpee.”

BULLET BUDDIES -- Police in St. Lawrence County New York arrested 25-year old Shawn Mossow on a charge of reckless endangerment after he complied with a friend’s request to shoot him in the leg with a .22 rifle so the friend “could see what it feels like to be shot.”  Both men are from Norfolk, New York.  The wounded man is expected to recover and life could actually be looking up for the duo.  This morning they got a telegram from Jim Carrey asking if they’d be interested in doing stunt work on his next project – “Dumb and Dumber Join the N.R.A.”

DRILL, BABY, DRILL -- Delta Airlines has come up with a novel solution to the spiraling cost of aviation fuel.  They’re purchasing their own oil wells in the Gulf of Mexico and will process their own fuel.  To really keep down expenses, Delta will hire no additional workers to operate their new rigs.  It’s pathetic watching cabin attendants, ordered to show up on their days off, trying to attach drill bits to 600-lb. plunger assemblies while dressed in greasy coveralls and hardhats.   



Copyright (c) 2012 by Robert L. Mills   All Rights Reserved 
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