5-17-2012
FAME IS
FLEETING -- He prowled the halls of the White House with Watergate embattled,
soon to be driven out of office Richard Nixon, for whom he served as Secretary
of State and with whom he was instrumental in opening China to the west. He won a Nobel Peace Prize for his efforts to
end the Vietnam War. All this
notwithstanding, 89-year-old Henry Kissinger was given the full TSA pat-down
search when he arrived at New York’s LaGuardia Airport to board his flight to
Toronto. According to witnesses, he
protested loudly but no one understood the language he was speaking so they
just assumed it was Arabic.
FANGS FOR THE MEMORY -- Lewiston, Idaho
Walmart shopper Mica Craig, 47, had to be rushed to the ER after reaching down
to pick up what he thought was a stick in the Pool & Garden section only to
have a full-grown rattlesnake sink its fangs into the palm of his hand. Six units on antivenin had to be administered
to counteract the effects of the potentially lethal bite which could, Craig was
advised by doctors, result in permanent disfigurement. Wow.
If Craig thinks being attacked by one rattlesnake was bad, just wait
until he has to deal with Walmart’s lawyers after he files his lawsuit.
OH, THANK
HEAVEN! -- In an attempt to lasso calorie-conscious young women, the
traditionally male appealing 7-Eleven will introduce a sugar-free “Slurpee
Lite” with new flavors including mango, strawberry-banana and cherry lime-aid. For the males, 7-Eleven will soon unveil
their new $1.99 corn dog, beef jerky, onion and jalapeno burrito, Slurpee
combo. They’re calling it the “Burpee.”
BULLET
BUDDIES -- Police in St. Lawrence County New York arrested 25-year old Shawn
Mossow on a charge of reckless endangerment after he complied with a friend’s
request to shoot him in the leg with a .22 rifle so the friend “could see what
it feels like to be shot.” Both men are
from Norfolk, New York. The wounded man
is expected to recover and life could actually be looking up for the duo. This morning they got a telegram from Jim
Carrey asking if they’d be interested in doing stunt work on his next project –
“Dumb and Dumber Join the N.R.A.”
DRILL, BABY, DRILL -- Delta Airlines
has come up with a novel solution to the spiraling cost of aviation fuel. They’re purchasing their own oil wells in the
Gulf of Mexico and will process their own fuel.
To really keep down expenses, Delta will hire no additional workers to
operate their new rigs. It’s pathetic
watching cabin attendants, ordered to show up on their days off, trying to
attach drill bits to 600-lb. plunger assemblies while dressed in greasy
coveralls and hardhats.
Copyright (c) 2012 by Robert L. Mills All Rights Reserved
