WEDNESDAY, September 5, 2012

TABLE DOWN AT MORRIES -- In one of the worst scandals ever to echo down the historic, hallowed halls of Harvard University, 125 undergraduates face expulsion for exchanging answers on a written exam.  Shock and disbelief spread among Crimson alumni, students and faculty alike -- not one of the accused students is a Kennedy. 


CLAPPER-ON-A-ROPE -- The Allen, Texas High School has opened a new $60 million, double-deck, 18,000-seat football stadium.  The team's locker room boasts all the latest amenities such as self-regulating Jacuzzis, solar-powered towel warmers, and Jerry Sandusky security alarms on all the shower heads.

NO LUGGAGE? -- Does it seem like you're being nickle-and-dimed every time you check out of a major hostelry?  You are.  The U.S. hospitality industry is heading for
a record $2 billion year in room surcharges.  Times have sure changed.  Wi-fi... mini-bar... pay-cable...  Used to be the only thing a guest had to pay extra for was the hooker.

SQUIRMIN' ERMINE -- Once considered unthinkable, the tabloid press told Buckingham Palace to soak their scepters in the moat when a royal request to quash photos of Prince Harry prancing in the buff at a Las Vegas hotel arrived by diplomatic courier.  Such insolence shall not stand. The Queen is reported to be so mad, she's threatening to order Piers Morgan home.

GOD NOT WILLING -- Amid the palpable disappointment of thousands of would-be conventioneers, the National Atheist Party was forced to cancel their planned annual convention when expenses suddenly eclipsed cash-on-hand.  No surprise here that financial problems did the group in.  Unfortunately for atheists, there's no legal U.S. currency that says "In God We Don't Trust."

Copyright (c) 2012 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved

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Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.