TUESDAY, September 25, 2012

SAY FROWN -- The New Jersey Motor Vehicle Commission has instituted a new rule that bans smiling while having your drivers license photo taken.  A brilliant cost-saving measure, actually.  It finally dawned on them that with 97.2% of New Jersey residents arrested at one time or another, the photo can double as a mug shot.  

MRS. CHRIST -- Archaeologists recently unearthed a small scrap of parchment which cryptographers  determined had Sanskrit characters that referred to "Jesus's wife."  Which falls right in line with the discovery by workers restoring Michelangelo's "The last Supper" that it was originally titled "The Last Bachelor Party."


SAND 'N' SURF -- Spurred by Barack Obama's pledge to "give everyone a fair shot." the Malibu City Council has passed a measure requiring affordable housing be made available to lower-income buyers.  City Housing Inspectors are being hastily trained to enforce the new law by watching an old print of "Down and Out in Beverly Hills."

CALL WAITING -- A wild donnybrook broke out at an Apple 5 assembly plant near Shanghai when factory workers attacked by company guards they claimed harassed them.  Over 75 were treated for injuries when ambulances finally
arrived.  The workers tried dialing 911 on their complimentary I-5s, but no one
could figure out how you're supposed to dial a number on them.    

MRS. MEATHEAD -- "All in the Family's" Sally Struthers was arrested on a DUI in Maine after failing a sobriety test.  She threw herself on the mercy of the cops by telling them she was on her way to UNICEF headquarters to tape an appeal for donations to starving and undernourished super models.

Copyright (c) 2012 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved
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