FRI, SAT, September 14, 15, 2012
DEEP IN THE HEART -- Now the highest speed limit in the U.S., a toll road in Texas has raised theirs to 85 miles per hour. And this despite a shocking 37% increase in highway fatalities over the past five years. And that's just squashed armadillos. For some unexplained reason, Texans driving Cadillacs and 1953 Chevy pick-ups never seem to get hurt.
RUNWAY SCABS -- High-fashion designers in Stockholm and Paris are taking advantage of their non-unionized models by using non-salaried computer-generated
models in their Fall catalogues. Never one to sit idly by in the face of opportunity, engineers at Apple have been working around-the-clock to come up with a bulimia-anorexia app.
FULL HOUSE BROKEN -- A Shenandoah Valley, Virginia flea market rummager who bought a box of "junk" for $7 now owns a painting by Pierre August Renoir believed to be worth in the neighborhood of $100,000. Painted in 1878 during the artist's "Wild 'n' Wacky" period, the work is entitled "Five French Poodles Playing Baccarat."
MC CHOLESTEROL -- Keeping one step ahead of a federal mandate, McDonald's has become the first national fast food emporium to post calorie counts beside all menu
items. There's some cross-pollination in evidence here, too. For instance, on Sesame Street, the tots are taught the number 600 by studying a picture of a Sausage McMuffin.
3:10 TO YUMA -- Figures released by the the U.S. Border Patrol indicate that fewer illegal aliens were apprehended trying to cross the U.S.-Mexico border during August than at any time since records have been kept. Here's how easy-peasy it's become -- a green card is now accepted as a valid voter ID in the state of Arizona.
Copyright (c) 2012 by Robert L. Mills All Rights Reserved
"Having spent twenty years writing for the indefatigable Bob Hope, and traveling all over the world, Bob Mills is well qualified to salute the famous corps of gag men who kept the comedian knee-deep in jokes. These first-hand recollections summon up the final phase of Hope’s career—and the end of the trail for an entire brand of show business."http://www.leonardmaltin.com/2009YearEndBookSurvey.htm
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WakiLeaks: History Declassified 2000 (Vol. One) is now available on Kindle for $2.99
Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.
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