SUN, MON, September 23, 2012

NOW ESCAPING ON RUNWAY THREE -- California Governor Jerry Brown's budget cutbacks will soon cost up to 400 prison guards their $65,000 per year jobs.  If you ask me, Jerry's going too far with his prison system cost-cutting.  For instance, San Quintin already has to share their guard towers with flight controllers. 

GRRRREAT! -- A twenty-five year old tourist leaped from a tram at the Bronx Zoo into an enclosure where he wrestled with a 400-pound Siberian Tiger, sustaining puncture wounds, scratches, and a broken arm and leg.  Police charged him with breaking and entering with intent to be entered and broken.

CLUB BLED -- Tiger Woods took himself out of the running at the back nine of the Tour Championship in Atlanta, posting his worse score there in 14 years.  Which is totally understandable.  When it gets this close to Thanksgiving, he imagines his putter jumping out of his bag and attacking him.


CRUISE CONTROL -- The Church of Scientology is reportedly scouring the planet for a new bride for Tom Cruise now that Katie Holmes  has joined Nicole Kidman in the reject bin.  Good luck, girls.  To even be considered for the job, you have to be pre-approved by John Travolta.


BLASTED -- GOP-sponsored bill to create a national park honoring the Atom Bomb was defeated in the House 237-180.  It was probably some of the planned attractions that put them off -- like the "Mushroom Cloud Pizza Pavilion," the "Geiger Candy Counter" and "Main Street Nagasaki."

Copyright (c) 2012 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved

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Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.