FRI, SAT, SUN, March 30, 31, April 1, 2012

Sleep therapists recently studied various professions to determine which, if any, provide their members more slumber on average.  They were surprised when lumberjacks claimed to get ten hours of sleep per night.  Delving further, they discovered that the extra sleep comes at the expense of sex.  Wives and girlfriends confessed that they just couldn’t get turned on by a guy covered with saw dust, sap, and chain saw grease.

Since its debut, the Apple I-Pad 3 has sold over 3.5 million units, despite adverse publicity that the new models tend to overheat.  The internal temperature has been measured at 114 degrees Fahrenheit, but users aren’t concerned.  When they’re not using the thing, they leave it on their dashboard to keep their burgers and fries warm. 

Because Afghanistan society places great value on male children and parents with at least one son have an advantage in business, social contacts, and upward mobility, desperate couples often disguise one of their girls to look exactly like a boy.  This ancient practice, still popular today, is called “Basha Posh,” English pronunciation “chaz-tah’-tee-boh-no.” 

Facing almost insurmountable odds of landing the GOP presidential nomination, Newt Gingrich is hoping for a brokered convention – his only possibility of success.  To this end, he has pared his staff down to the bare essentials.  Campaign manager, gone.  PR guy, gone. No one was spared.  Callista is now wifeing part-time – three hours in the afternoons, no weekends. 

An AMA study conducted over ten years concluded that patients who take steps to maintain their health like watching their diets, exercising and undergoing periodic checkups, enjoy a lifespan considerably longer than those who don’t.  Researchers noticed something else quite interesting – those who took care of themselves were generally still alive at the end.

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