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WEDNESDAY, March 21, 2012


Former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich has entered a federal pen to begin serving his seventeen year sentence for attempting to sell Barack Obama’s vacated Senate seat to the highest bidder.  Penal officials are amazed how quickly he’s adapted to life in stir and how easily he’s befriended other cons.  Less than two weeks and he’s already Bernie Madoff’s bitch.

Court papers are currently being filed in the tabloid inspired case of Kim Kardashian’s I-do-but-not-for-long marriage to Kris Humphries who’s asking for – ready for this? -- $7 million.  Hey, his lease lasted only 72 days –                    $100,000-a-day rental seems a tad steep, even for a Kardashian.          

The Learning Channel recently featured a couple’s collection of 5,000 Cabbage Patch Dolls still in their original boxes worth an estimated $1 million.  Taking no chances, the couple has also collected 2,000 mint-condition Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to act as bodyguards. 

In a small crime-ridden town near Sao Paulo, Brazil a former policeman named Andre Luiz Pinheiro masquerades as Batman to speak to children at schools and churches about the perils of choosing a life of drug-running and prostitution.  Admirers say he’s so dedicated to saving the kids, he even sleeps hanging upside down in a cave.

Police officials in Texas border towns are cautioning students planning to visit Mexico on Spring Break that they may end up dodging drug cartel bullets.  Most of them won’t listen.  That’s the bad news.  The good news is Marine Corps recruiters plan to be at the border to interest the survivors in an equally-exciting post-college career.
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DOLORES HOPE "Silver Bells" (with Bob)

BOB HOPE'S 1983 U.S. COLLEGE CAMPUS TOUR: Your Alma Mater Here?

"Having spent twenty years writing for the indefatigable Bob Hope, and traveling all over the world, Bob Mills is well qualified to salute the famous corps of gag men who kept the comedian knee-deep in jokes. These first-hand recollections summon up the final phase of Hope’s career—and the end of the trail for an entire brand of show business."

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WakiLeaks: History Declassified 2000 (Vol. One) is now available on Kindle for $2.99

Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.

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