Former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich has entered a federal pen to begin serving his seventeen year sentence for attempting to sell Barack Obama’s vacated Senate seat to the highest bidder. Penal officials are amazed how quickly he’s adapted to life in stir and how easily he’s befriended other cons. Less than two weeks and he’s already Bernie Madoff’s bitch.
Court papers are currently being filed in the tabloid inspired case of Kim Kardashian’s I-do-but-not-for-long marriage to Kris Humphries who’s asking for – ready for this? -- $7 million. Hey, his lease lasted only 72 days – $100,000-a-day rental seems a tad steep, even for a Kardashian.
The Learning Channel recently featured a couple’s collection of 5,000 Cabbage Patch Dolls still in their original boxes worth an estimated $1 million. Taking no chances, the couple has also collected 2,000 mint-condition Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to act as bodyguards.
In a small crime-ridden town near Sao Paulo, Brazil a former policeman named Andre Luiz Pinheiro masquerades as Batman to speak to children at schools and churches about the perils of choosing a life of drug-running and prostitution. Admirers say he’s so dedicated to saving the kids, he even sleeps hanging upside down in a cave.
Police officials in Texas border towns are cautioning students planning to visit Mexico on Spring Break that they may end up dodging drug cartel bullets. Most of them won’t listen. That’s the bad news. The good news is Marine Corps recruiters plan to be at the border to interest the survivors in an equally-exciting post-college career.
