TUESDAY, March 20, 2012

Eighty-six year-old Dick Van Dyke has married 40-year-old makeup artist Arlene Silver.  Gerontologists are searching their files to determine if a 46 year age difference is a record for a May-December romance.  “This is a real doozey,” said one. “This puppy may go all the way back to the Mayan calendar.”

Police in the Canadian city of London, Ontario were called out to quell a riot that broke out among St. Patrick’s Day celebrants who set vehicles on fire and hurled bottles and rocks at riot squad officers.  Seems the trouble began when two drunken revelers got into an argument over who is skinnier – Sinead O’Conner or Celine Dion.

Ira Glass, popular host of NPR’s weekly docu “This American Life,” says he takes full responsibility for lies contained in a story filed  by Mike Daisey about a Chinese sweatshop mistreating workers.  Glass confessed that he should have become suspicious when Daisey claimed one of Angelina Jolie’s kids was a plant supervisor.

German racing motorcyclist Joerg Groosmann has opened a shop near Frankfort that rents hearses attached to the side of a Harley  Davidson to convey your deceased Hell’s Angel to his final resting place.  And to add even more irony, he rents advertising space on the side of each hearse – to a company that makes motorcycle helmets.

Prompted by reports of owners paying handsome bonuses to team members who put opposing players into an ambulance, the NFL has imposed an automatic $10,000 fine against any offender.  Duh.  Even pros who skipped bonehead math at the college they were supposed to be attending can figure out that $25,000 minus $10,000 is still enough for one payment on the Bentley.

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Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.