THURSDAY, March 8, 2012

A Japanese firm has begun marketing a laser gun that when fired at someone can electronically disrupt their speech pattern, effectively silencing them.  Should be a lucrative U.S. market for the device.  In fact, three of Rush Limbaugh’s sponsors have already ordered one.

Gasoline prices have increased so drastically, several Los Angeles gas stations are seriously considering adding armed guards at their pumps.  The liquid gold has become so valuable, Kobe Bryant now gifts his wife 25 gallons of gas per marital infidelity.

French President Nicolas Sarkozy has said there are too many foreigners in France and that if he’s re-elected, he’ll cut immigration quotas by half.   So much for the “the poor, the tired, and the huddled masses” immortalized on that statue they gave us.

According to figures released by the World Monetary Fund, Brazil has passed Great Britain as the world’s sixth-largest economy.  How fleeting is fame?  As soon as the shocking news was announced, Madame Tussuad replaced the statue of Mary Poppins with Carmen Miranda.

There are ugly rumors, growing daily, that Whitney Houston did not as reported in the media die from a drug overdose but was murdered.  Wait, it gets even stranger. The prime suspect according to the conspiracy theorists is Andrew Breitbart.

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Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.