THURSDAY, March 15, 2012

Honoring Pat Nixon’s 100th birthday, the Richard Nixon Library is exhibiting the disgraced president’s love letters to her before they were married.  Included are phrases like “Every day and every night I want to see you and be with you… my heart is filled with that grand poetic music.”  Then, he added a PS -- “You’ll be happy to know I’m taking you off my enemies list.”

Former major league outfielder Lenny Dykstra will spend three years in state prison after being convicted of grand theft auto.  The once-dazzling Dykstra told prison psychiatrists that he blames the game itself for his dizzying spiral into a life of crime.  He says that once he realized that stealing bases was acceptable and encouraged, everything else just fell into place. 

GOP presidential contender Newt Gingrich requested and has been granted Secret Service protection for the remainder of the campaign.  Needless to say, it’s not one of the agency’s most sought-after assignments.  In fact, agents rank it just above the one that required them to follow the Bush twins from bar-to-bar every night.

The Los Angeles Sheriff’s Office has vowed to stop thefts of gasoline siphoned from the tanks of parked cars.  Their efforts to catch the octane thieves include all-night stake-outs, increased foot patrols and  a $10,000 reward to any girl who reports a guy in a bar with hi-test on his breath.

A beach north of Perth, Australia popular with bathers and surfers was closed after an Australian Navy helicopter on routine patrol spotted an estimated fifty sharks in a feeding frenzy among a school of tuna.  Officials called it “only a coincidence” that the Sydney Bar Association is holding their annual convention in Perth this week.

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Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.