THURSDAY, August 18, 2011

According to the Commerce Department, consumer confidence is at its lowest level since 1980.  What is consumer confidence?  Well, it's like when you give your credit card to a waiter and are confident that he'll give it back after using it to pay a traffic ticket.

The Secret Service has purchased two $2.3 million bullet-proof, blackened window, double-decker buses that will be used to transport the President and other government officials.  They've code-named them "Greyhound One" and "Greyhound Two." 

Faced with drastic budget cuts, the US Postal service announced they'll let 120,000 employees go.  They knew their days of sorting, filing and delivering mail were numbered when they replaced the "Dead Letter Office" with the "Dead Job Office."

First it was aluminum, then brass cable, and now thieves are yanking clumps of victims' hair to sell to hair extension companies.  One victim told police in San Francisco she considered herself lucky -- the clump of hair the thief grabbed was HER hair extension.

According to arrest records, the use of crystal meth has gone up in Hollywood.  People seeking a sublime, transcendental experience while flashes of dazzling colored lights seem to appear from nowhere.  No -- wait -- my mistake.  That's the Crystal Cathedral.  

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Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.