MONDAY, August 29, 2011

According to USA Today, the economy has reached such depths, some formerly comfortable Americans now rely on newspaper and magazine food coupons to survive.  And it can be quite a shock. For some, it's the first time they've had to follow a dotted line that wasn't cocaine.

Popular jockey and Kentucky Derby winner Calvin Borel was recently arrested and charged with a DUI.  He probably antagonized the cops.  After he blew into the balloon they gave him, he twisted it into a passable replica of Seattle Slew.

Recently in Beijing, a vicious fist-fight broke out during an exhibition basketball game between students from Georgetown University and Chinese students.  The Chinese hosts are so repentant, they offered to lower the interest rate half a percentage point on the money we owe them.

A wealthy Miami booster admitted to NCAA officials that he provided players being recruited with a yacht with a fully-stocked bar and a crew of hookers.  The players were ecstatic.  Gives them a place to meet with school officials to really negotiate a deal.

New findings suggest that athletes in love turn in better performances on the playing field.  Hoping those findings will help boost sales, Absorbine, Jr., the athlete's foot medicine, is now marketing "Absorbine Lover."  It has the same formula as the original but it smells like Cameron Diaz.

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Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.