THURSDAY, August 11, 2011

The Disney Company posted a quarterly profit of $3.17 billion from its theme parks and resorts, up 12%.  Company analysts credit increased ticket sales, an influx of foreign tourists, and the decision to replace four of the Seven Dwarfs with non-union midgets from Wisconsin. 

Newport Beach California police are looking for a pair of bicycle thieves who disguise themselves as Ashton Kutcher and Colonel Sanders.  In the surveillance photos, it looks like the real Ashton paired with Demi Moore in a white suit.  He probably wanted to be the Colonel, but couldn't grow a goatee. 

According to a study commissioned by the CDC, the two national restaurant chains serving the most calories are Denny's and The Cheesecake Factory.  The Factory may be a slightly better bet for you calorie-counters, though.  Last week, someone spotted Denny eating lunch there.

Tiger Woods is reportedly sweating bullets over rumors that Steve Williams, his longtime caddy he recently gave the heave-ho, is scribbling a tell-all book about him.  And that can't be easy.  Ever see those itty-bitty pencils they're forced to keep score with?

According to a survey conducted each year since 1989 by the A.M.A., the best hospital in the United States is Baltimore's Johns Hopkins.  In fact, their Proctology Department is so well-known, one of their films appeared on "Let's Explore Caves!" Week on the Discovery Channel.

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Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.