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THURSDAY, August 11, 2011

The Disney Company posted a quarterly profit of $3.17 billion from its theme parks and resorts, up 12%.  Company analysts credit increased ticket sales, an influx of foreign tourists, and the decision to replace four of the Seven Dwarfs with non-union midgets from Wisconsin. 


Newport Beach California police are looking for a pair of bicycle thieves who disguise themselves as Ashton Kutcher and Colonel Sanders.  In the surveillance photos, it looks like the real Ashton paired with Demi Moore in a white suit.  He probably wanted to be the Colonel, but couldn't grow a goatee. 

According to a study commissioned by the CDC, the two national restaurant chains serving the most calories are Denny's and The Cheesecake Factory.  The Factory may be a slightly better bet for you calorie-counters, though.  Last week, someone spotted Denny eating lunch there.

Tiger Woods is reportedly sweating bullets over rumors that Steve Williams, his longtime caddy he recently gave the heave-ho, is scribbling a tell-all book about him.  And that can't be easy.  Ever see those itty-bitty pencils they're forced to keep score with?

According to a survey conducted each year since 1989 by the A.M.A., the best hospital in the United States is Baltimore's Johns Hopkins.  In fact, their Proctology Department is so well-known, one of their films appeared on "Let's Explore Caves!" Week on the Discovery Channel.

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THE LAUGH MAKERS: A Leonard Maltin "Top 20" Year End Pick!

DOLORES HOPE MEDLEY

DOLORES HOPE "Silver Bells" (with Bob)

BOB HOPE'S 1983 U.S. COLLEGE CAMPUS TOUR: Your Alma Mater Here?

"Having spent twenty years writing for the indefatigable Bob Hope, and traveling all over the world, Bob Mills is well qualified to salute the famous corps of gag men who kept the comedian knee-deep in jokes. These first-hand recollections summon up the final phase of Hope’s career—and the end of the trail for an entire brand of show business."

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WakiLeaks: History Declassified 2000 (Vol. One) is now available on Kindle for $2.99

Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.

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