WEDNESDAY, August 17, 2011

The F.C.C. has issued a new ruling that will allow those calling 911 to text message the emergency.  They suggest using these internationally-recognized anagrams:  HOF= "My house is on fire!"  JBM= "I've just been mugged!  MGFOA= "Mel Gibson has flipped out again!"

PETA and other environmental groups have criticized President Obama for being too soft enforcing the Endangered Species list.  Barack probably didn't make any points with the anti-fur crowd when he hosted a state dinner for the Dali Lama that included Spotted Owl Under Glass.

Now that Jennifer Lopez has shed Marc Anthony, she's agreed to return as a judge on "American Idol."  She had one stipulation, though.  The other judges had to agree not to use her booty as a writing desk.

Two million former Californians have relocated elsewhere over the past ten years -- 1,999,984 because they couldn't find a job, a house they could afford, or adequate medical care and the other sixteen left after they were groped by Arnold Schwarzenegger.

According to the latest accident stats from the National Safety Council, kids riding with their grandparents are three times safer than riding with their parents.  That's mainly because other drivers tend to steer clear of a car whose turn signal has been on for 268 miles of straight freeway.

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BOB HOPE'S 1983 U.S. COLLEGE CAMPUS TOUR: Your Alma Mater Here?

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Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.