THURSDAY, June 23, 2011

A doctor in Manchester, England arrested while driving in his PJs and slippers with four times the legal limit of alcohol in his system, told the court he was suffering from "parasomnia," the medical term for sleepwalking.  The magistrate sentenced him to a year in "greybartopia," the legal term for prison.

A ten-month-old Emperor penguin, normally found in the Antarctic twelve thousand miles north, turned up on a beach in New Zealand.  He told police he was looking for Jim Carrey whom he claims stiffed him for a week's work as an extra in "Mr. Popper's Penguins."

Executives at Wendy's hamburger chain is selling off its Arby's roast beef sandwich restaurants.  They admitted that despite their high hopes, the two just never meshed even though they looked like a perfect match when Wendy found Arby on e-Harmony.com

Crystal Harris had no idea how much trouble she was asking for by dumping Hugh Hefner at the altar.  She’s had to turn in her push-up bra, her bunny ears and tail and to add insult to injury, AARP cancelled her “spouse exempted” membership card.

Avis and Budget Rent-a-Car are putting the finishing touches on a merger.  Look for the firm to adopt a new name, providing they can convince Bevis and Butthead to sell the rights.

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Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.