SUN, MON, December 30, 31, 2012

K-K-K-KLOSED -- Excoriated by theater critics and returning just 25% of its backers' investment, Broadway's "Dead Accounts" starring Katie Holmes will close January 6, less than six weeks after opening.  With just forty-four performances, the play barely lasted longer than her ex-hubby Tom's trampoline act on Oprah's couch.

SLUMMING -- Tim Cook who became CEO of Apple after founder Steve Jobs died will take a substantial cut in his salary in 2013.  Substantial?  He'll receive only $2.8 million -- 1% of the $378 million he collected in his 2012 paycheck.  He's already cutting back.  For instance, he fired the Mormon Tabernacle Choir which he had employed last year as a door chime.

END TIGHT -- Along with their shameful record of  spousal abuse and strip club drunkenness, forty-six NFL players have been convicted of driving under the influence.  Finally the league has responded.  From now on, players reaching the line of scrimmage will have to walk it while touching their nose with their eyes closed.


PUMP YOU UP -- Word in Hollywood is that martial arts guru Jackie Chan has been added to the cast of "The Expendables 3," joining Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger.  Details are sketchy, but apparently the script calls for Arnold to hire Jackie as his bodyguard after Sly discovers he's been having an affair with his maid.

ALL ABOARD! -- China has unveiled their new, multimillion dollar bullet train that will run 1428 miles from Beijing through China's agricultural heartland to Guangzhou.  Government officials insist that there will be no repeat of the disastrous 2011 test-run crash.  Now injured passengers will be rushed to the nearest collective farm sick bay within 30 minutes.   


Contents Copyright (c) 2012 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved

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