SUN, MON, December 23, 24, 2012

SPEEDY ESCORT -- Though she never medaled, three-time Olympic Games middle distance runner Suzy Favor Hamilton became a $600-a-night hooker with a Vegas escort service.  Ten of her regular Johns were contacted and asked to post their scores.  The results:  a high of 8.3 and a low of 5.6 yielded a respectable 7.2, but again no medal.

PUBLIC DOMAIN -- Settling a long-running dispute between neighbors, a Louisiana judge ruled that a Denham Springs woman has the constitutional right to arrange her Christmas lights in the shape of a middle finger.  The fact that the middle finger belongs to Santa Claus has no legal bearing on the case unless, of course, the Claus family files an objection.

BOWL BUSTER -- According to a recent sampling of collegiate football fans nationwide, the most popular Holiday playoff game is the Rose Bowl followed closely by the Cotton Bowl and the Orange Bowl.  The least enjoyed New Year's Day clash is the Ty-D-Bol played annually at Porcelain Stadium in Flushing, New York.


CAIN & ABEL -- Peter Madoff, younger brother of Ponzi Prince Bernie who's serving 150 years, was himself sentenced to ten years for his part in the $20 billion ripoff.  Why the light sentence?  Well, the judge took into account Peter's plea that he "felt like Jerry Van Dyke living in the shadow of his famous brother" and his claim that, like Tom Smothers, he always sensed "that mom liked Bernie better."

ALLOY VEY -- Faced with the spiraling costs of base metals traditionally used to mint coins, the U.S. Treasury Department has tested 29 substitute alloys, none of which passed muster for durability.  Well, one did, but no one at Treasury thinks the public could adapt to using various denominations of Chuck E. Cheese tokens.


Contents Copyright (c) 2012 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved

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