MONDAY, August 1, 2011

Jeopardy host Alex Trebeck surprised a burglar in his San Francisco Hotel room and chased him down the hall, tearing his Achilles Tendon in the process.  The thief got away but not before tossing the loot in an ice machine.  And now, in the form of a question -- "What famous game show host stays in hotels where you have to get your own ice?"

In danger of losing its triple A credit rating for the first time in history, the U.S. has been given the chilling news by the Treasury department that Apple Computer's cash reserves of $76.4 billion exceed the $73.7 billion currently held by the government.  Apple CEO Steve Jobs was unavailable for comment, said to be busy assembling a cabinet and preparing for his inauguration. 

A survey on underage drinking shows that Vermont is the teen-tippler capital of the nation with 36% of 12 to 20-year-olds admitting to sampling John Barleycorn.  Hey, this is Vermont, folks.  Wouldn't you think their parents could tell the difference between J&B Scotch and Dolly Madison pancake syrup?

Embarrassed executives at Continental Airlines admitted last week that twenty-four flights had to be cancelled because the airline ran out of pilots.  It's a strange story that's baffling the FAA.  There they all were, at the airport bar for a preflight pick-me-up when suddenly -- they were gone.

In an upcoming film based on the trapped Chilean miners, we finally learn how the miners were located so quickly.  The president of Chili calls the producer of "Entertainment Tonight," who leaks a false rumor that Lindsay Lohan has been
sentenced to perform community service in a Chilean mine and the paparazzi finds them.

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DOLORES HOPE "Silver Bells" (with Bob)

BOB HOPE'S 1983 U.S. COLLEGE CAMPUS TOUR: Your Alma Mater Here?

"Having spent twenty years writing for the indefatigable Bob Hope, and traveling all over the world, Bob Mills is well qualified to salute the famous corps of gag men who kept the comedian knee-deep in jokes. These first-hand recollections summon up the final phase of Hope’s career—and the end of the trail for an entire brand of show business."


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WakiLeaks: History Declassified 2000 (Vol. One) is now available on Kindle for $2.99

Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.