;

FRI, SAT, SUN, July 15, 16, 17, 2011

An irate wife drugged her husband, tied him to their bed, cut off his penis and stuffed it down the garbage disposal.  Just his luck, they had just installed the new "Genital 500" from Waste King.

As they do each year at this time, tourists are flocking to Pomplona, Spain to drink excessively and then taunt panicked young bulls as they run down the city's narrow streets.    Many of them fall, slipping and sliding as they lose their balance.  And that's just in their own vomit before the bulls are even released.

Explaining how a potential terrorist managed to slip past airport screeners without any identification, a TSA watchdog group pointed out that there ave been 25,000 breaches of security at U.S. airports.  In their defense, a TSA official proudly pointed out that their x-ray machines have exposed six defective breast implants, an enlarged prostate and 116 Men's Warehouse suits falsely labeled "Armani."

Amid the usual English pomp and circumstance, the history-seeped British Open has begun at Royal St. George.  Interesting how the course got its
name.  Saint George was one of Jesus' favorite disciples -- and for good reason.  Somehow, he could always manage to get a starting time at the
exclusive Gomorrah Country Club.   

According to a national entomology study recently completed in Holland, Dutch motorists squash an estimated 133 billion flying insects every month.  
Whenever they spot an insect heading into their path, they just can't stop fast enough.  And with good reason.  You ever tried stomping on the brake
peddle wearing a wooden shoe?

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THE LAUGH MAKERS: A Leonard Maltin "Top 20" Year End Pick!

DOLORES HOPE MEDLEY

DOLORES HOPE "Silver Bells" (with Bob)

BOB HOPE'S 1983 U.S. COLLEGE CAMPUS TOUR: Your Alma Mater Here?

"Having spent twenty years writing for the indefatigable Bob Hope, and traveling all over the world, Bob Mills is well qualified to salute the famous corps of gag men who kept the comedian knee-deep in jokes. These first-hand recollections summon up the final phase of Hope’s career—and the end of the trail for an entire brand of show business."

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WakiLeaks: History Declassified 2000 (Vol. One) is now available on Kindle for $2.99

Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.

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