FRI, SAT, SUN, July 8, 9, 10, 2011

There's evidence that al Quaida may begin to equip suicide bombers with surgically implanted explosives.  The bad news is airport screeners will now perform a full body scan, chest x-ray and colonoscopy.  The good news is you're getting a state-of-the-art physical free.

California's ban on the use of cancer-causing tanning beds by minors may be the strictest in the nation.  It prohibits the use of any device that emits ultraviolet, gamma, or x-rays as well as the glow that surrounds young starlets commanding more than $4 million per picture.

Meteorologists recently discovered that planes landing and taking off can alter the weather by puncturing rain clouds -- a phenomenon that Air traffic controllers discovered years ago.  You ever meet a traffic controller who ever paid to have his car washed?

Religion police in the Gaza Strip will soon enforce a ban on male hairdressers on the grounds that men handling womens' hair violates Islamic tradition.  Good luck to the Muslim women.  Only a man has the strength to deliver a decent $85 shampoo, tint and set under those beekeeper's helmets they wear.

Visitors to the Windy City can now take a bus tour of famous gangster sites like Al Capone's vault, the garage where the St. Valentine's Day Massacre took place and several notorious speakeasies.  The tours are doing well, but the most popular tourist attraction in Chicago is still the spot where Frank Sinatra saw a man dance with his wife.

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DOLORES HOPE "Silver Bells" (with Bob)

BOB HOPE'S 1983 U.S. COLLEGE CAMPUS TOUR: Your Alma Mater Here?

"Having spent twenty years writing for the indefatigable Bob Hope, and traveling all over the world, Bob Mills is well qualified to salute the famous corps of gag men who kept the comedian knee-deep in jokes. These first-hand recollections summon up the final phase of Hope’s career—and the end of the trail for an entire brand of show business."


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WakiLeaks: History Declassified 2000 (Vol. One) is now available on Kindle for $2.99

Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.