FRI, SAT, January 25, 26, 2013

CO-ED WAR -- U. S. Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta has officially lifted the longtime ban on Army and Marine Corps use of females in combat.  This is the most welcome news to men on the front line since the invention of chipped beef on toast.  At long last, foxholes with real foxes in them.  And no more "boots on the ground" -- from now on, "Stiletto heels on the ground."

NO NET -- No one it seems is immune to the 
unemployment curse.  The producers of Cirque du Soleil announced a layoff of 400 members of the world-famous acrobatic troupe.  Actually, they'll just fire 200 catchers and their trapeze partners will end up collecting Workman's Compensation instead. 

NOW ARRIVING -- Southwest Airlines has a new deal -- for an extra forty bucks, you're guaranteed being among the first fifteen to board.  And for $10 more you get your choice of sharing the pilot's pre-takeoff cocktail or the flight attendant will come around at mealtimes and show you pictures of food.

MEDICINE CHEST -- New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg is being accused of lacking compassion for suggesting that uninsured patients not be given expensive prescriptions for pain.  He thinks the poor should relieve pain the same way they usually do -- by getting hooked on crack Tylenol.

OH DANNY BOY -- Gardai, Ireland will issue rural residents of County Kerry permits to drive under the influence of alcohol on the grounds that they are cab and designated driver challenged.  Worldwide reaction was swift -- MADD condemned the action, police chiefs called for an investigation, and Lindsay Lohan is there right now shopping for a country home. 

(Contents Copyright (c) 2013 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved)

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