THURSDAY, January 31, 2013

TAKING A MULLIGAN -- Promising to mend his ways and  control his roving eye even when away on tour, Tiger Woods has reportedly asked his ex-wife Elin to reconcile.  But he may have some unexpected competition from someone younger and in better shape.  There's now reliable evidence that Elin was Manti Te'o's imaginary girlfriend.

SHELF LIFE -- Pity the U.S. Postal Service.  Not only has Lance Armstrong refused to return the millions they paid him, but the stamp with his portrait they hoped would sell big had to be yanked after several test subjects suffered a bad reaction to the glue.  It gave them an uncontrollable desire to store their urine in the refrigerator. 


PUMP YOU UP -- Arnold Schwarzenegger is reportedly pleading with Maria to take him back, but the Terminator has his work cut out for him.  He not only has to convince her that he's a changed man, but now he'll have to dispel the rumors floating around Hollywood that he's been having an affair with an imaginary maid.

START YOUR ENGINES -- Indy car race driver Danica Patrick has formally filed for divorce from hubby of seven years Paul Hospenthal, telling the Sporting News that their marriage is "irretrievably broken."  No real shock to Paul.  He sensed he was headed for the pits recently when she came to bed dressed in a black-and-white checkered nightie.

RAT-TA-TAT-TAT -- The Disney Co. shut down its Junction Point video game division after its epic "Mickey2" tanked big time.  Veteran gamers questioned following the announcement were of the opinion that maybe it wasn't a great idea to have Mickey hot wire Cinderella's car and then shoot cops during his getaway. 

(Contents Copyright (c) 2013 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved)

Crystal Gayle
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Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.