FRI, SAT, January 18, 19, 2013

THE HOLE TRUTH -- L.A. police department dispatchers issued an all points bulletin celebrating the announcement from Dunkin' Donuts that they will be franchising hundreds of stores throughout Southern California.  In deference to President Obama's assault weapons ban, they'll restrict their take-out cartons to six donuts and refuse to sell high-velocity sprinkles.

PLANT MANAGER -- Sheriff's deputies in Castro Valley, California uncovered $100,000 worth of pot being guarded by "Mr. Teeth," a large caiman -- a crocodile-like reptile from South America.  Prosecutors have not released the name of it's owner, referring to him only as "Mr. Dundee."    

BROWN SHORTS SHORTED -- American Express will pink slip 5400 employees to make the company, according to a company spokesman, "more nimble, more efficient and more effective."  Yeah, sure.  Actually, the revenue gained from the cuts will go toward paying AmEx's horrendous double-parking fines.

INTO THE FOLD -- Korean electronics giant Samsung has unveiled a foldable smart phone.  Now, this may not seem very useful to you, but it's a Godsend to supermodels like Kate Moss who can now bend their phones into a tube to poke their maids with.

BE PREPARED -- A judge in Santa Barbara, California ordered the Boy Scouts of America to turn over 120,000 pages of records in a sex abuse civil suit brought against the organization.  Good luck with that.  The records were printed on sheets of dried birch bark with charcoal sticks as part of the scouts' "record-keeping in the outdoors" training.

Contents Copyright (c) 2012 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved

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