WEDNESDAY, January 30, 2013

RE BRANDING -- Chevrolet's legendary Corvette has been completely retooled for today's more tech savvy driver.  Always aimed at American men suffering mid-life crisis symptoms that include fear of impotency, it's now been renamed to represent the arrogance, dishonesty and greed necessary to afford to buy one -- it'll be called the "Lance Armstrong."

PLAY BALL -- The L. A. Dodgers have signed an $8 billion, 25 year broadcast contract with Time Warner Cable.  During the off season, the sports channel will feature reality fare with titles like "Desperate Dodger Wives of Beverly Hills," "Two and a Half Relief Pitchers" and "The Venetian Chef"  hosted by Tommy Lasorda.

McFRAUD -- Settling a lawsuit, McDonald's agreed to pay $700,000 to the Muslim community for claiming that its menu complied with Muslim dietary laws.  They admitted mislabeling "Chicken McNuggets" as "Camel McChunks" which they advertised using a cartoon goat wearing a turban. 

SHAFTED -- The P. G. A. is considering a ban on long-shafted belly putters because the club rests against the player's body called "anchoring."  Supporters of the ban include Rory McElroy, Steve Stricker and Tiger Woods.  Of course Tiger is against it.  A longer shaft makes the club easier for a woman to use as a weapon.

INCLUDE ME OUT -- According to the CDC&P, this year's flu vaccine is only 62% effective.  Granted the 62% covers the chills, the night sweats, the nausea and the diarrhea, but it's the ineffective 39% that was supposed to provide the hoarseness that makes calling in sick more believable. 

(Contents Copyright (c) 2013 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved)

Diana Ross
THANKS FOR THE MEMORY -- Watch Diana wow the cadets at the Air Force Academy in 1980 with "Hold Somebody's Hand." View over 550 classic vintage video clips of Bob Hope Specials available nowhere else!  Each are dated the year they originally aired on NBC from the 1977-78 season to 1991-92.  Included are segments from 1978's "Bob Hope Down Under" from Perth, Australia and 1979's "Bob Hope in China" taped in Peking and Shanghai (with Mikhail Baryshnikov).  Take a trip down Memory Lane that you won't soon forget!

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Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.