WEDNESDAY, January 16, 2013

GREY GOOSED -- Actor Gerard Depardieu defected to Russia for their low income taxes.  That's the reason he gave the press anyway, but remember Gerard has a history of alcohol abuse and that's what it would take to forgo world-famous French cuisine for gristly sausage, potatoes, and an unlimited supply of vodka.

PAYING MR. PIPER -- Behavioral scientists have collected data suggesting that for every twenty-four hours a person parties, their life is shortened by half a day.   No wonder Lindsay Lohan is such a terrible driver -- she's been dead since October 2007.


ALOHA -- History was made as Hawaii Democrat Tulsi Gabbard was sworn in as the first Hindu to serve in the United States Congress.  She claims she won't let her religion dictate her behavior as a lawmaker, but there are skeptics.  She's already introduced a bill that would repeal the import tax on incense, saris and prayer rugs.

POT SLOT -- A company called MedBox is manufacturing medical marijuana vending machines for use in states where it's legal.  They've employed a clever diversion to prevent minors from using the machines.  What the customer will see through the little window is broccoli-on-a-stick.


ALOHA OI VEY -- Startled passengers aboard a recent QUANTAS flight to the U.S. spotted an eight-foot python clinging to the wing.  The flight was their popular "Wiki-Waki Waikiki" vacation package and the reptile was probably attracted by the luau pig the crew was roasting in a wheel well.

(Contents Copyright (c) 2012 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved)

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Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.