TUESDAY, October 9, 2012

SIGN HERE -- A civilian-owned rocket ship called "Falcon" was launched from Cape Canaveral, bound for the International Space Station with 1,000 pounds of cargo for the station's three residents.  The rocket ship is painted brown, is square-shaped like a UPS delivery truck, and in keeping with company policy, it will double park during the delivery. 

LOVIN' IT -- The L. A. Health Department is urging fast-food meccas to post reduced calorie menu items beside their super sized ones.  McDonald's has gone them one better.  Weight-conscious customers now have a choice of three slimmed-down menu items:  the Big McCallista Flockhart, Eggs McElleMcPherson and Chicken McOliveOyl.


R.S.V.P. -- Super Pacs supporting the Romney campaign hosted a fund-raising dinner in Washington.  Menu items included some of the GOP's all-time favorites -- Oysters Nelson Rockefeller... Endangered Mock Turtle Soup... Tossed Green Salad with Off-Shore Oil and Vinegar... and Roasted Big Bird Under Glass.

CATS SCAT -- According to a migration study published in Molecular Ecology, mountain lions are leaving Nevada in favor of more hunter-safe residence in California.  The Nevada cougars are easy to spot.  They usually have a more muscular right paw from pulling slot machine handles.


SIXTEEN TONS -- In one of the largest layoffs in recorded history, Anglo American Platinum, the largest supplier of the pricey metal used in expensive jewelry, fired 12,000 South African miners who had gone on strike over wage demands.  If you think the substitute NFL refs were bad, half of the substitute miners quit early claiming they're claustrophobic.  

Copyright (c) 2012 by Robert L. Mills   All Rights Reserved

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Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.