THURSDAY, October 26, 2012

STIRRED, NOT SHAKEN -- Over the past fifty years, James Bond has managed to kill kill 350 villains from Blofeld to Goldfinger.  Sean Connery, Roger Moore, Pierce Brosnan, Timothy Dalton and Daniel Craig all killed them in the usual way --  George Lassenby dispatched them by threatening to make another Bond movie.


TRAMPOLINE AND MEAN -- In an effort to reduce accidents, the American Academy of Pediatrics advises school officials to consider cheer leading a sport.  In addition, they recommend that sale of batons be subject to the same federal restrictions as firearms.

SIGN HERE -- Anticipating an expected 6% increase in Holiday deliveries, UPS  will hire 55,000 temporary seasonal workers to serve as driver-helpers, package sorters, loaders or unloaders.  This may not mean much to you, but to manufacturers of brown shorts, it's like manna from heaven.

MILD-MANNERED -- Action Comics has announced that Clark Kent is no longer a reporter at the Daily Planet, having resigned last week. Can't blame him for putting his journalistic career first and recognizing the death of print media.  He's accepted an offer from Newsweek.


SLEEPING IN -- In Lille, France, a skeletal remains of a man who had died in 1997 was found, untouched, still lying in his bed.  Curious local gendarmes inquired as to why his mailman hadn't noticed something was amiss.  They discovered the mailman had been in bed since 1996.


Contents Copyright (c) 2012 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved 

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Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.