WEDNESDAY, July 11, 2012

THANKS, BUT NO THANKS -- The family of the late Thomas Kinkade, whose ketchy paintings of Christmas cottages, tranquil lakes and mountain vistas replaced Elvis  on velvet as America’s low-brow art of choice, are engaged in a bitter fight over his $66 million  estate.  They’ve all agreed to split the money, but the problem is half of his relatives don’t want his unsold paintings and the other half  doesn’t want them, either.

STATUE WARY -- According to a survey commissioned by Washington Monthly Magazine, the most popular tourist attraction among foreign visitors in Washington, D.C. is the Lincoln Memorial followed closely by the Washington Monument and the U.S. Capitol.  Bottom-feeders include the Tidal Basin where Fanny Fox took a dip, Monica Lewinsky’s dry cleaners  and the Smithsonian’s Air, Sea  and Kevin Spacey Museum.     

C.O.D. -- In North Korea’s capital of Pyongyang, government officials celebrated the one hundreth birthday of the country’s founder, Kim Il-sung with a variety show featuring Disney characters Mickey and Minnie Mouse, Winnie-the-Pooh and Tigger.  No surprise here.  According to recent CIA surveillance photos, Disney characters are painted on the warheads of the nuclear missiles pointed toward Washington, D.C.

ELEMENTARY, MY DEAR LOUIS -- Scotland Yard has confirmed that forensic chemists in Zurich have determined that Yasser Arafat’s death in 2004 was most likely due to polonium poisoning.  Ironic since it wasn’t the Yard’s case, Arafat died in Paris,no tests were conducted at the time and death by natural causes was assumed.  The assassination came to light only after a joint investigation was launched last year by Miss Marple and Inspector Morse.

SPEEDY ALKA-SELTZER -- Kourtney Kardashian took the usual amount of time giving birth to a baby girl last week after a normal pregnancy.  Now if Kim was to have a kid, it would have been conceived three months ago, completed grade school, high school and college in six weeks and would now have a job on The View.  

HEEEERE'S JOHNNY! -- While he appeared as a guest on Hope specials infrequently, Johnny Carson and "The Tonight Show" were integral to Hope's promotion strategy.  On the Friday preceding a special's air date, Hope would join Johnny (or the guest host) to hawk the upcoming extravaganza, noting the slate of guest stars as well as the show's content.  After several decades of this, Johnny had understandably become a tad resentful of Hope's use of his show as a billboard.  We always knew what the topics of the interview were since we wrote "ad-libs" to cover them, but Johnny would steer Hope into other areas, much to the latter's  discomfort.  When Johnny did appear on our show, usually in short cameos, he was always terrific. 

Copyright (c) 2012 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved

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