STATUE WARY -- According to a survey commissioned by Washington Monthly Magazine, the most popular tourist attraction among foreign visitors in Washington, D.C. is the Lincoln Memorial followed closely by the Washington Monument and the U.S. Capitol. Bottom-feeders include the Tidal Basin where Fanny Fox took a dip, Monica Lewinsky’s dry cleaners and the Smithsonian’s Air, Sea and Kevin Spacey Museum.
ELEMENTARY, MY DEAR LOUIS -- Scotland Yard has confirmed that forensic chemists in Zurich have determined that Yasser Arafat’s death in 2004 was most likely due to polonium poisoning. Ironic since it wasn’t the Yard’s case, Arafat died in Paris,no tests were conducted at the time and death by natural causes was assumed. The assassination came to light only after a joint investigation was launched last year by Miss Marple and Inspector Morse.
SPEEDY ALKA-SELTZER -- Kourtney Kardashian took the usual amount of time giving birth to a baby girl last week after a normal pregnancy. Now if Kim was to have a kid, it would have been conceived three months ago, completed grade school, high school and college in six weeks and would now have a job on The View.
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