TUESDAY, July 10, 2012

RHYMES WITH APOLOGY -- Over eight-hundred photographs sent back to NASA astronomers by the rover Opportunity now exploring the surface of Mars are the “clearest we have ever obtained,” according to a NASA spokesman.  The finely detailed images of an area named “Greenly Haven” by the scientists are so clear, said the spokesman, “You can almost make out the villa that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes decided to split.” 

SUCKED DRY -- Detroit developer Mark Siwak is seeking investors to build a “zombie-themed” amusement park he has proposed for a 200-acre, walled-off area of the Motor City now inhabited by derelicts and winos.  According to his proposed design, the park would replicate the aftermath of a zombie apocalypse.  While attractions are still on the drawing board, they would include a “Teacup of Blood” ride, “Hickies of the Caribbean,” and the “Plasma Plaza,” all geared to the park’s theme “It’s a Small Type-O World After All.” 

SUDS ‘N’ SEX -- The NFL now has an “anonymous hotline” that encourages players to rat on coaches who pay players to sideline opponents by hitting them harder than necessary.  Turns out the practice in not limited to the NFL – the practice has been uncovered at the collegiate level as well.  At Penn State, if a player sent an opponent to the showers, Jerry Sandusky paid him a bounty of $5,000.

CLOSE CALL -- According to the FBI’s preliminary estimates, more than 300,000 computer-users worldwide may have lost net access as the Bureau rescinded  protective measures that had thwarted a malicious code called “DNS Changer” that still infects many hard drives, preventing access to the Internet.   Needless to say, we here at Dr. Digit’s HQ failed to apply for the protective patch, but it appears that we have not been infected… infected… infected… infected… infected…

BETTER IDEA -- Enjoying a resurgence of new car sales not the norm for awhile, Ford has introduced an optional app that electronically prevents the car’s driver from “drifting” out of his or her lane.  However, the software has some features that even new Ford buyers are unaware of.  For instance, it not only keeps the vehicle in the correct lane, but if the driver is using an inflatable woman to qualify for the diamond lane, the software deflates the sex-toy, activates the emergency horn, and flashes the tail lights until state troopers arrive.

WALL PAPERED -- Here we are making sure we’d have proof to show the folks back home that we really had made history — the first American TV crew allowed in China.   Front row: (l to r) Don Marando, the author, Carl Jablonski (choreographer), Marcia Lewis (associate producer), Robert Shields & Laureen Yarnell (mimes), Chinese liaison, Mrs. Hope’s interpreter/guide, Barney McNulty (cue cards). Second row: a production assistant, Linda Hope (coproducer), sound and lighting crew. Standing:  Chinese aides, Dale Huffstedler (masseuse), Lon Stucky (lighting), Dolores Hope, Bob Keyes (Handicam), Bob Wynn (director), Chinese assistants, Kedakai Lipton, James Lipton (producer), Chinese assistants, Will Oborn 

Copyright (c) 2012 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved

Click here to add theme music to your reading experience...

The Laugh Makers on YouTube


THE LAUGH MAKERS: A Leonard Maltin "Top 20" Year End Pick!


DOLORES HOPE "Silver Bells" (with Bob)

BOB HOPE'S 1983 U.S. COLLEGE CAMPUS TOUR: Your Alma Mater Here?

"Having spent twenty years writing for the indefatigable Bob Hope, and traveling all over the world, Bob Mills is well qualified to salute the famous corps of gag men who kept the comedian knee-deep in jokes. These first-hand recollections summon up the final phase of Hope’s career—and the end of the trail for an entire brand of show business."


Even Animals Love "THE YouTube WORLDWIDE NEWS"!

THE LAUGH MAKERS is now on KINDLE! (And Kindle equipped devices)

Download THE LAUGH MAKERS to your Kindle within one minute (for $2.99) by clicking on this link:


And if you're not yet a Kindle owner, when you purchase your new lower-priced Kindle with a capacity of 3500 books, be sure to sign up for our daily blog so you won't miss one issue of the web's most entertaining and insightful comments on the day's events... or a single serialized installment of THE LAUGH MAKERS. Order your Kindle today!

WakiLeaks: History Declassified 2000 (Vol. One) is now available on Kindle for $2.99

Compiled from Bob's newsletter "Funnyside Up" published in 2000. This is a yuck and chuckle-filled stroll down memory lane to a time before the Bush administration had inflicted its damage -- a time before the search for WMDs and Osama bin Laden. See what we were laughing at back then, who was in the news and who had yet to enter rehab -- which NFL stars had yet to do time in the Gray Bar Hotel.