FRI, SAT, July 13, 14, 2012

BARGAIN BASEMENT -- The U.S. Olympic Committee is catching plenty of flack from Washington honchos for agreeing that U.S. athletes wear the official $2000 Olympic Games uniforms made in China.  "You'd think they'd know better,” sniffed House Speaker John Boehner.  “They should be ashamed of themselves,” countered Sen. Harry Reid.  Actually, it’s a blessing.  Finally both sides agree on something and it only cost $2000.

CHUCK CHUCKED -- In an attempt to appeal to a younger, hipper audience, Chuck E Cheese's Pizza has dumped their mascot Chuck E.  But not to fret.  We have reliable information that he has settled into a new life living in pleasant retirement with the former Burger King king who was also forced out by a younger-looking monarch.

HACK HIKE -- The New York City Limousine Commission voted 6-2 to increase taxicab fares in Manhattan and the Boroughs by an average of 17%.  Starting in September, the meter tab for a ride from mid-city to Kennedy International Airport will rise from $45 to $52 -- $68 if there’s a body in the trunk.

STONE’S THROW -- Anthropologists from the University of Oregon have reported in the Journal Science that artifacts found in Oregon caves indicate that a least two different cultures with distinct technologies – not one as previously thought – shared the North American continent more than 13,000 years ago.  Put into laymen’s terms, Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble may have lived in the same apartment cave as the Incredible Hulk.

THIS TALL TO RIDE -- One of the most well-designed and sophisticated drug-running tunnels ever discovered has been found running  Mexico to Arizona.  Estimated by DEA agents to cost $1.2 million, the plywood-lined, fully air-conditioned tunnel runs from San Louis Rio Colorado to the U.S. border.  It will end up helping the Mexican economy, though.  It’s been purchased by Six Flags Tijuana who plan to convert it into a Tunnel of Love.   

Roseanne Barr and Burt Reynolds appeared on one of our specials in the late 80s.  We had written a parody of the Robin Hood saga in which Roseanne played Maid Marian to (then husband) Tom Arnold's  Robin. (Hope was the Sheriff of Nottingham.)  Roseanne took a run-of-the-mill sketch and turned it into something better than what she had been handed.  She had a remarkable ability to improve scripted material, literally extracting laughs from lines we didn’t know were there. She displayed a talent for comedy that had distinguished her own top-rated sitcom.  I took this shot backstage at NBC following a rehearsal.  

Copyright (c) 2012 by Robert L. Mills  All Rights Reserved

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